Ped Shield

I want to introduce to you all a new term: the "Ped Shield." Credit goes to Mister Harford, though apparently he doesn't remember dubbing the term. It stands for "Pedestrian Shield." It would be nice if I could illustrate to you the term with a series of pictures, but words will have to suffice since I don't think I can make great pictures.

When I'm leaving my apartment in Berkeley, there's an intersection that I have to stop at because it tells me so. It tells me so with a stop sign. The cross traffic, however, does not need to stop because there is no stop sign for the cross traffic. That means that if there is an infinite amount of cross traffic, I will be stuck there forever. Oh noes!

Though I have not yet encountered the problem of infinite traffic, sometimes there is a lot of traffic that feels infinite. "Oh ouroboros!", I think to myself. Is that comma supposed to be inside the quotation marks? Anyway, so many cars, and I must wait heres forevers at this stop sign!

Luckily, however, pedestrians begin to cross at the intersection. Since most of the time the cross traffic cars decide not to run over the pedestrians, the cross traffic has been blocked, allowing me to get through the blasted intersection! The pedestrians have formed a shield for me against the oncoming cars allowing me to enter the intersection safely, hence, the "Ped Shield."

Ped Shield is great! I love the Ped Shield. It is handy to me often.

Defying Gravity

As I look at the sky my neck grows tired and gravity pulls my gaze downward: I see only people. As I look at people my neck grows tired and gravity pulls my gaze downward: I see only my dirty feet. I think, my dirty feet, is this all there is? It is a small world.

Tired, dirty feet marching along, where am I going? At church. Praise God, I sing, but see only my feet, and these feet are still tired. Maybe others know.

I lift my head and see others, walking. Going in different directions. Quite a better view than my feet, perhaps my answer lies here. Where can I rest, friend? The answer lies inside, he says. I look at my bellybutton. I am not inspired.

I turn to another. Where can I rest, friend? In the company of others, he says. I stand with others, and feel relieved that I am not the only one standing. But my feet are still tired.

Look up, look up, I hear. I look up. I see the heavens that declare the glory of God, the skies that proclaim the work of His hands, pouring forth speech and displaying knowledge. I glimpse majesty incomprehensible, holiness overwhelming.

Looking upward, I find rest, for my soul finds rest in God alone, my salvation comes from him. Once hath God spoken, these two things have I heard: strength is the Lord's, and to thee, Lord, is mercy.

As I look at the sky my neck grows tired and gravity pulls my gaze downward: I must defy gravity. As I resolve to rest alone in the Origin of power and the Fountain of mercy my neck grows tired and gravity pulls my gaze downward: I cannot defy gravity. But the one who is merciful extends his might to defy gravity, and lifts my head. It is a good view.

Absurd Line from Notting Hill

I finished "The Napoleon of Notting Hill" a couple weeks ago. Pretty good. Started off slow, a lot of the time it was like what is this madness what's going on. I felt it was worth it, though, built up well, the end was worth it.

Here's an entertaining line from one of the characters: "How can these people strike dignified attitudes, and pretend that things matter, when the total ludicrousness of life is proved by the very method by which it is supported? A man strikes the lyre, and says, 'life is real, life is earnest', and then goes into a room and stuff alien substances into a hole in his head."

I'd write and quote more, but alas, it's late. If I started earlier in the day, maybe I'd have a real blog post for you =). That's what I tell myself, anyway.

Spending Life

In economics we use this concept called "opportunity cost." Let's say I have 20 bucks to spend on Christmas gifts. I could spend that 20 bucks on a 20 dollar jacket for myself. That'd be good, I want to do that. But I also want to buy gifts for people. I could instead buy two 10 dollar t-shirts. I can't buy the jacket for myself AND the t-shirts for others. If I buy the jacket, I can't buy the t-shirts, and if I buy the t-shirts, I can't buy the jacket.

We see here that doing one thing necessarily means not doing another. The cost of spending all my money on myself is best understood in terms of what I am giving up for it, the opportunities foregone, hence the term "opportunity cost."

I'd like to think I'll never grow old. But one day I'll grow old, weak, ugly (uglier), dead. Right now I'm alive, young, and I have energy. How shall I spend it? On myself? On others? Both? There seem to be many worthy causes, and many pleasurable pursuits in the world. What should I do with this small amount of life I have? I can't do everything, as much as I'd like to. Doing one thing necessarily means not doing another.

I really enjoy the song "Dancing through Life" from the musical Wicked. Quite a fun song. One part goes:

Dancing through life
Down at the Ozdust (ballroom)
If only because dust is what we come to...
Nothing matters
But knowing nothing matters
It's just..
life

Makes sense that if dust is what we all come to, then nothing matters except knowing nothing matters, and then why not just dance through life? As it says in 1 Corinthians 15, "if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins. ... If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men. ... If the dead are not raised, 'Let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we die.'" But, "knowing nothing matters" is only liberating in fiction, because in truth, life without meaning and purpose is full of despair, for there is no hope.

But how shall I live life, since I believe that dust is NOT what we all come to, since I believe that Christ has been raised and there is life after this one? I choose to spend my life for the one who spent his life for me. I was a slave to sin, but Christ spent his life to pay the ransom so that I might have freedom. I too now spend my life so that others might have freedom, I spend my life for the gospel, the only worthwhile pursuit in life.

Yes, it means I have to not do certain things I'd like to do. Then again, that happens any time I do anything, there is always opportunity cost. Is it worth it? Yes. No regrets.

Rudolphian Semblance

My project is dying! With the holiday season approaching and all I thought it appropriate to grow a red bulb at the tip of my nose. It was going quite well (or should I say, swell!). The timely zit is now shrinking, however. Now how shall I see in the dark??

Of Manners

Hello friends and non-friends. I know I told you I'd post more, but then I went ahead and posted only once all of last month. My apologies. I have some thoughts about things I've been working out in my head, but it's late and it'd take some time for them to be put into a form ready for public consumption. So! How about some more shallow thoughts =)

I just finished reading Pride and Prejudice. It's really interesting how concerned they are with courtesy, civility, manners, form. They're so concerned about such things that it's really quite ridiculous. Its gotten me thinking more about social conventions in our world today. Certain things can be said at certain times, and are just inappropriate or awkward at others. Historically I like to pooh-pooh conventions if I can, but, I've become increasingly aware of my need to at least be aware of what the conventions are.

Rules can be broken, but only under certain circumstances. Awkward can be funny, but sometimes its just awkward. Anyway, that's all. Trying to learn.

Oh boy I'm going to be tired tomorrow.

Gospel Mechanism

I listened to a message yesterday by R.W. Glenn and at one point he talked about the great assurance that Christians have from Romans 8:28, which says "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." God causes all things that happen in our lives, good and bad, to work for our good and for His glory. He went on to point out that secular people sometimes have the optimistic belief that all things will work out in the end, but that this is not true. God does not work in all things for the good of those who do not love him and have not been called according to his purpose.

When I heard this and thought of my nonchristian friends and coworkers, it made me sad. As a Christian, even in the darkest of nights, I can still take comfort in the fact that however bad the circumstances, God is working for my good even through these circumstances. I realized that for someone who is not saved, something bad that happens could just be straight up bad. No guaranteed redemption of ill fortune.

One thought I've had recently is that it would be hard for me to handle life without humor, which alleviates pressure off of life's all-too-serious issues. But life would be incomparably harder without my relationship with God. With God, there's assurance, there's meaning, there's love... there's relationship. But for a person who does not even believe that God exists, there's no one to even yell at except the empty sky.

Sometimes when I sing worship songs, I sing of the cross and salvation and the gospel, and I think to myself that my actual appreciation for these things does not match my enthusiastic (albeit off-key) singing. Why? I consistently value and appreciate my relationship with God, but I do not consistently value the gospel. I realized today that this makes no sense, since it is the gospel, Jesus' death on the cross that allows me to have a relationship with God. The gospel is the mechanism through which we were brought from estrangement from God to fellowship with God, and for that we appreciate it.

This renewed my burden to share the gospel: that those who do not know God can come to know Him, through Jesus' death on the cross.

Shadows of Heaven

Let's say I went to heaven and came back. You ask me, dude, what was it like? I reply, dude, it was absolutely eurphasic. You're like, what? Yeah, everything was eurphasic. You say, uh, I dunno wut dat iz... can you at least tell me what it looked like? I say well, everything was made of a composite of talleet and glub-glub. You're like, the heck? I say fine. Everything was, like, gold. You say, ohhhh! Gold! That I can understand.

The point is I'm trying to describe to you something you don't know, heaven. If I describe it in terms that you also don't know, what's the use in that? Cities made of pure gold with gates of pearl may be the closest thing we can come to in terms of understanding the grandeur, glory, and majesty of what we'll see in heaven. C.S. Lewis makes the point that we ought not to think, well, gold, what use have we for gold in heaven? Gold is simply the closest approximation we have; it's a limit of our descriptive capabilities. Having never been to heaven, heavenly things must be described in earthly terms, since we have only experienced earthly things.

Now, imagine this. Suppose you and I are standing together, and I ask you hey, have you ever seen Thomas? You reply, no, I haven't. I say, actually, he's standing around that corner! You can see his shadow. From his shadow you can distinguish his figure, something about his height, his posture. But as you try to imagine what Thomas actually looks like, the best you can do is extrapolate. When you see Thomas, you might say, when I saw the shadow I did see a vague form of what he was like, but now that I see the real Thomas, I see him with depth, color, fullness. Though I had hints of what his shape was, now I see clearly.

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

1 Corinthians 13:12

What we see here on earth are simply shadows of what are to come. That's quite comforting to know that the best things we experience here on Earth... peace and quiet after a long day of work... side-splitting hilarity in the midst of friends... the satisfaction that comes from a job well done... these are just hints of the things in store for us in heaven. Jesus told us that he's prepared a room for each of his followers in his father's house. I enjoy life, and I think I cling rather too tightly to the things I do have here, but it is quite nice to know that when it all ends, I'll finally be at home.

Write Mo

Looking back at my college days I wish I had read more of the assigned reading. I don't know if that would have been feasible given all that was on my plate, though I certainly could have read more. For the most part, it's the stuff I wrote essays about that I remember and understand the best. Even now, I realize that a lot of my best thoughts are the ones I've taken the time to articulate, sometimes on this blog.

I decided that if I want to continue to think well, I have to keep writing. So, I'm going to use this blog as my medium. I plan to write a solid post at least once a week. Enjoy =)

Modern Inconsistency

I listened to Ravi Zacharias quote this today. So good.

But the new rebel is a Sceptic, and will not entirely trust anything. He has no loyalty; therefore he can never be really a revolutionist. And the fact that he doubts everything really gets in his way when he wants to denounce anything. For all denunciation implies a moral doctrine of some kind; and the modern revolutionist doubts not only the institution he denounces, but the doctrine by which he denounces it. Thus he writes one book complaining that imperial oppression insults the purity of women, and then he writes another book (about the sex problem) in which he insults it himself. He curses the Sultan because Christian girls lose their virginity, and then curses Mrs. Grundy because they keep it. As a politician, he will cry out that war is a waste of life, and then, as a philosopher, that all life is waste of time. A Russian pessimist will denounce a policeman for killing a peasant, and then prove by the highest philosophical principles that the peasant ought to have killed himself. A man denounces marriage as a lie, and then denounces aristocratic profligates for treating it as a lie. He calls a flag a bauble, and then blames the oppressors of Poland or Ireland because they take away that bauble. The man of this school goes first to a political meeting, where he complains that savages are treated as if they were beasts; then he takes his hat and umbrella and goes on to a scientific meeting, where he proves that they practically are beasts. In short, the modern revolutionist, being an infinite sceptic, is always engaged in undermining his own mines. In his book on politics he attacks men for trampling on morality; in his book on ethics he attacks morality for trampling on men. Therefore the modern man in revolt has become practically useless for all purposes of revolt. By rebelling against everything he has lost his right to rebel against anything.
Excerpt from "Orthodoxy," by G.K. Chesterton

Guilt and Blessing

Well, first of all, thanks to God for providing for me in many ways recently. Especially in regards to certain uncertain situations; God granted me favor. Second, thanks to God for guilt, for that internal pain and pull that leads to repentance. Thank you, God.

CHICKEN POT PIE [ramble]

I got stuff going on in my life, and I can tell people about it if they ask me. You know, a progress report on work, church, life in general. But must I give my weekly summaries to everyone who asks "how's it going?" On the other hand, "yeah, it's going good," is so lacking in detail that it's pretty much uninformative anyway. I greatly prefer deeper, more philosophical reflections on the happenings of life, but, sometimes I tire of making complete sentences.

That's why sometimes when someone asks me how's it going, I give a non-answer, such as, CHICKEN POT PIE. In terms of substance, it's just as informative as "pretty good"; arguably, even more so. Actually, definitely more so. "Pretty good" is a vague, often-used term, so if I say "pretty good" you'd just think "oh not much haps iz good it's not bads," though maybe not in those words. If I say CHICKEN POT PIE though, there's a picture of rich buttery goodness that far more powerfully expresses goodness.

In a online conversation yesterday I think I annoyed my friend by constantly making random comments. Haha, I should be more considerate of others, because sometimes people don't understand crazy. Anyway, here is my new conversation theory: Oscar Wilde says "quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit," and I'd like to add that caps-lock is a serviceable substitute for diction. Youtube comments are definitive proof of this. What, you don't think that's legitimate evidence? SILENCE, INFIDEL.

Today I drank orange juice with a straw, it was awesome. I felt like a kid again.

Viridian City

Life update: On the road to Viridian City, I'm on my way I'm on the road, I'm on my way I'm on the road. On the road to Viridian City, I'm on the road. We've built a team and we've been training all day long, long. We're on the road and getting' strong (getting strong). Now here's the plan: We're gonna' head down to the forest. Time to collect some Pokemon, gotta catch them all, gotta catch them all. We keep on tryin' tryin', and then we try some more, to stay together and find a place worth fighting for. I'm on the road to Viridian City, meet my friends along the way (I'm on the road). We're on the road to Viridian City!

Poke-please! Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about!

by the way, Yoo gets 3/8th of my kingdom.

Saving, Investing, Giving

Sup! Well, my second money post in a row. Having money is a new thing for me, and it's been kind of exciting recently figuring out how I should be stewarding it... especially since in Economics I learned all these different theories about finance and the markets, and in church I learned all these different principles, I finally have a real chance to apply what I've been taught. I remember the first time I paid my credit card bill this summer; I thought, gee whiz, I'm an adult! Haha, paying off debt, my coming of age moment =p

Anyway, here are some of my thoughts on saving, investing, and giving. Being new to this whole money thing, I'm definitely not saying this in a prescriptive way; rather, these are my thoughts on these issues, and the principles that I believe should guide me in money matters.

The Case for Saving
Proverbs 6

6 Go to the ant, you sluggard;
consider its ways and be wise!
7 It has no commander,
no overseer or ruler,
8 yet it stores its provisions in summer
and gathers its food at harvest.

We're taught to imitate the ant, to work hard and to save in times of abundance for more difficult times. I once read someone who said that saving was a sign that you're putting your trust in money rather than God. I definitely agree that there is a real danger that we will begin to trust what we have saved up for ourselves rather than trusting in God, but misfortune happens even to those who earnestly trust in God. And when that misfortune happens, who will pay for the medical bills and repair fees? Stories come to mind of God miraculously providing for individuals in these kinds of situations, but in most cases it just seems irresponsible to ask others to cover every unexpected bill. Though the amount that we save is up for debate and probably dependent on the circumstances (Joseph recommended a high degree of savings when he knew the seven years of famine was forthcoming), preparing for nearly inevitable future needs seems ant-like and Biblical.

The Case for Investing
In Matthew 25, Jesus tells the parable of the talents. A man entrusts his servants with his money and goes off on his journey. The first two servants double the amount given to them, and the man is very pleased with them and blesses them. The third servant does nothing with the money, claiming in his defense that he was afraid of his master and didn't want to lose the money. The man points out that if it was really the case that he was that afraid of losing the money, he still should have put it on deposit with the bankers so that he would receive it back with interest. The fact that he didn't shows that even if it was true that the servant was extremely loss-averse and had poor investing abilities, the primary cause of his not doing anything with the money was that he is wicked and lazy.

The standard application for this passage is to say "Christians should be good stewards of their talents," talents now referring to both resources and abilities. The way the parable works is to tell a story, and to say that the same judgment we make in earthly affairs is also true in heavenly affairs. How it plays out in this parable is to say "just like the first two servants were good stewards of their master's money and earned their master's approval, so we should be good stewards of God's resources and earn God's approval." And how were the first two servants good stewards of their master's money? They invested it well, doubling what God gave them. Likewise, we ought to invest well everything God gives us; everything meaning more than just money, but it certainly does include money.

The Case for Giving
In Luke 16, Jesus tells the story of a manager who's about to be fired by his boss. The manager knows that everything he's in charge of will soon be useless to him anyway, so he goes to each of his master's debtors and reduces the amount owed. He does this so that when he loses his job, he will have friends who will welcome him into their homes. The boss commends the dishonest manager because he acted shrewdly.

Though the manager's behavior is dishonest, he's shrewd because he recognizes that his resources have a very short expiration date on them, and uses these very temporary things for a more lasting investment that will serve him in the long run. Jesus says that we should be shrewd, too; just like the manager was shrewd in using temporary things to invest in his future, so we should be shrewd in using temporary things (every worldly resource) to invest in eternity.

Purchasing shares in a 5-star mutual fund may be a sound investment decision because even though I'm not able to use that money for immediate benefit, that money will grow over the long haul and provide for me in the future. But, mutual funds fail, and future provisions for myself are of limited value. Relatively, what is the value of donating to an organization like Compassion International? If I donate to Compassion, I care for the physical and spiritual well-being of impoverished children, and Jesus said "whatever you did for the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me" (Matthew 25:40). Giving money, whether to a friend in need or an impoverished child, is a sound investment decision.

Conclusion
The difficult part is knowing how much to save, invest, give, and spend. I originally had a fourth section entitled "The Case for Spending," but I'm still trying to figure out some guiding principles as to how much is appropriate for spending. When is it ever justified to spend for myself? For example, seems like it'd be okay to buy ice cream for myself once a month, but why? I remember one scene from Schindler's list when Schindler is looking at a long line of Jews that he was not able to save. He takes a gold pin off his jacket, and, sobbing, says for this price of this worthless pin he could have saved at least another life. So, I'm still trying to figure that out.

The last thing I keep in mind before making a financial decision is to ask myself, if I die tomorrow, would I be okay with how much money I've saved, or how much money I've spent? Will I be okay with where it was spent? Or will I regret not giving more? I detect in myself a desire to hoard, to be protective of the little treasures I have on Earth, and to justify it by saying that I'm hoarding out of prudence, so this is definitely something to keep asking.

In summary, with money, as with all things, I'll try to keep a clear conscience before God. After all, he "will give to everyone according to what he has done" (Revelations 22:12).

Finances and Faith

Sometimes I feel self-conscious when I say I'm an economics major because I don't really understand the economy. When I say this to people, they reassure me that no one does. Nonetheless, I've been learning more about the economy recently especially with all the crazy stuff happening in the financial world. Today I heard Ravi Zacharias quote something which was really transformative for me in the way I see finances and faith, and I'll share my thoughts with you guys about that.

To begin with, the oils that keep the engine of this economy running are cash and credit. You know what cash is; quarters, nickels, dimes, dollar bills. You can exchange dollar bills for goods, such as turkey or a shiny new car. These bills don't really have any value in themselves, but people like them because of what they can get in exchange for them. There was a big debate a long time ago about having money backed by silver or gold, meaning that you could exchange bills for these precious metals if you wanted, which would give these paper bills solid value. As it is now, they're not backed by anything.

These paper bills are kinda like poker chips. If we were to walk to a poker table and wanted to play, we'd have to pay some money to get some blue and red chips to play with. At the table, we'd gamble using these blue and red chips, and once the game is over, we'd exchange these poker chips for our money again. It's the same kind of deal with these paper bills. They're not really worth anything outside of this game we're playing, but they can be exchanged for things we want, so that's why we want them.

Next, there's credit. In college (and now) I would try not to spend much money. One way I thought I could limit my spending was to carry less cash with me, because if I carried less cash, I'd be less tempted to spend. The problem was that my friends would often go out to eat, meaning that my friends would often have to end up spotting me. The bill would come around and they'd pay for my meal, and I'd pay them back once I got money from the ATM. Credit cards are kinda like that. The credit card company will spot you money for a month up to a certain amount, and at the end of the month, you get a credit card bill. You have a month to pay the credit card bill; you can pay the full amount, in which case (for the credit card I have) you'd pay no interest. If you pay less than the full amount, you pay interest for what you still owe.

I was introduced to commodities this past summer by a friend. Some people are really worried about inflation, and there are some who are worried about hyperinflation. A rough definition of hyperinflation is when the money that you're using is worth more as toilet paper than money. How does that happen? Well, think about if a bunch of us were at a meal, and there was just one juicy piece of steak. We'd all really want it and might be willing to trade half a salad for some of that steak. But if there were a million steaks, then no one wants to trade anything for steak because everyone has so much of it anyway. Same thing for money. If the government keeps printing out exorbitant amounts of money, then the money we have becomes pretty much worthless.

That's why advocates of commodities such as gold and silver say people should buy gold and silver during times where the currency is unstable. Your dollar may lose its value, but gold has universal value whatever country you go to, and it'll have value even if the economy collapses. Even if it goes down in value it doesn't have the potential to plummet in value like the dollar does, so the incentive is usually more about security than profit. I started tracking the value of silver earlier this summer, and it was about $13 per ounce in July, and $12 per ounce in early August. Now it's about $16, so it seems like it would have been a good buy. Not sure where it's going to go from here, though.

One thing cash, credit, and commodities all have in common is that they all promise us things. Material possessions in the form of shiny new cars (even ones we can't afford), a comfortable life, a secure future. Maybe even love? The Beatles say "can't buy me love," but... it does at least seem that you can. We evaluate potential mates on a variety of levels like personality, maturity, physical appearance, and so on. More money means increased social status, and so while money might not help you get that particular girl, it probably will help you get a girl in general. I can get you these things, money says... a nice car, a secure future, and a pretty girl, I can get you all these things.

What I began to see more clearly today is that these are promises being made. Cash, credit, commodities promise to provide us with the things that make us happy, and we buy into that promise. If you really didn't trust the dollar bill, you'd put into Euros or Yen or Gold like my friend who got me interested in that stuff. But you do trust it enough, so you keep your money in dollar bills.

What the recent financial craziness has shown is that none of this 100% sound. Our currency may hyperinflate, leaving all our cash worthless. Our credit system basically exploded on us, which was the big cause of the recession. And gold... during the Great Depression, the government issued a recall on gold, saying that you had to turn in the gold you had. And if you're hiding your gold, well, that can always get stolen.

Nonetheless, our economy is running on these assumptions. We believe that it's likely enough that these things won't happen, so we keep living as if they won't. We save money in the belief that tomorrow I can bring that cash to the store and get food with it. I'm banking on the fact that these banks and financial institutions will made good on their promises and deliver. I'm trusting in the fact that all these people, all these institutions, will follow through with what they say. I'm putting trust in them.

The quote I heard Ravi Zacharias make today was "the whole world runs on the basis of faith," even the financial world. That statement is so true. I'm working in the field of construction management now, where the contract is king. A contract is basically an agreement between two parties where they agree to something, such as, I pay you this amount of money if you will do this for me. Without people agreeing to make contracts, no one would be able to do anything. I could go to a store and give them the money for a product, but they could just refuse to uphold their end of the deal. If no one believed the promises of another, the world would cease to function.

Mark Twain once said, "faith is believing what you know ain't so." He entirely misunderstands faith. Faith is simply putting your trust in something. When I decide to use a boat, it's entirely possible it'll start sinking. But I have reason to believe it won't, and I act on that reason. It's like I'm saying to the boat, I believe that you will keep me afloat. The question is really how trustworthy is the object of faith? The fact that there is faith involved does nothing to disqualify the object, or the promise.

I had some more thoughts in that same vein about faith, but they'll have to go unsaid for now. The last thing I'll share, though, is that shortly after thinking these things I read 1 Kings 17:3. It's a drought, and God tells Elijah "Leave here, turn eastward, and hide in the Kerith Ravine, east of the Jordan. You will drink from the brook, and I have ordered the ravens to feed you there." That's a pretty big promise. God is saying that in this drought he will command nature itself to provide for Elijah.

In the face of a promise like this, the question is can God make good on his promise? Can we take this promise to the bank and cash in on it? Exactly how reliable is God with things like this, can he do this, and if so, will he do it? In the Christianized way of saying it, do I have faith?

Yeah, I believe it. God's good for his word. If he promises something, he will follow through with it, and I can put money on that. Cash, credit, commodities, and every other earthly thing may fail me, but whether I'm in the middle of a drought or recession, God can command nature itself to provide for me. So if God, who is always able to deliver on his promises, and who always will deliver on his promises, says "and surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age," then I can have great confidence that His provisions for me will always be sufficient.

Shampoo Tropicana

Hello, sorry that I'm updating so little. I still have a follow up to that previous post that I need to write. In the meantime, enjoy reading these two odd dreams I've had recently. The first I had last weekend, the second I had this past weekend.

By the way, if you can interpret my dreams, I will give you up to half my kingdom. Maybe.

__________________________

Shampoo Warriors

I'm travelling on an adventure with a couple of my friends. There's some kind of jungle and cave-like scenery, and we're fighting baddies as we progress. Every once in a while there's a boss fight where my friends and I have to defeat a strong enemy. Upon our victory, the enemy leaves behind a shampoo bottle that, if held, allows you to use two abilities. The primary ability is an offensive capability (fire, lightning, etc.), and the secondary ability is a support ability (restore health, posion cure, etc.). In particular, I remember holding a sky-blue shampoo bottle and firing lightning bolts.

We continue on our journey and eventually we're fighting through a castle-cave sort of place, an area that has large cavern-rooms with balconies on the walls. After a fight, we were in need of the healing ability of the water-colored shampoo bottle. I put my backpack down and start rummaging around for the bottle. Everything's all messy and it's difficult to find things, so I start taking out the bottles so that I can find the one I need more easily. As I'm taking out all these shampoo bottles I start getting self-conscious. What if someone sees me with all these shampoo bottles in my backpack and thinks I'm really vain??? Then I woke up.

__________________________

Tropicana Battle

I'm with two friends, one guy and one girl, in a shopping mall that looks kind of like a Wallgreens or Longs Drugs. We're being chased by a couple of people that look like humans, but are actually robots. They're pretty much invincible but we discover that they can be slowed down if we spray stuff into their eyes. We use a variety of cleaning agents, like Windex and 409. In particular I find this spray can (the metal kind; looks like a metal cylinder with a nozzle on top) that is particularly effective. It is a Tropicana spray bottle. I don't think it was orange juice, but certainly it looked like it had the Tropicana orange juice label on the can. Maybe Tropicana orange-flavored deodorant spray?

We're still running around the store attempting to escape from the robots, every so often turning around to spray the robot in the eyes with the spray. When hit, the robot's eyes glaze over with a black film, looks kinda like black oil from the X-Files. Only I have a spray can, and we realize we should acquire more cans for my friends. We reach the spot, but Tim Choi is there to stop us (a Junior from Gracepoint). He refuses to allow us have the spray can.

I pin him down and attempt to force him (read: torture) to relinquish the Tropicana spray can, but he stubbornly continues to refuse. I start feeling bad because I like the guy, and think that it was just fate that made us end up on opposite sides in this conflict. I hear another group of my friends from a different aisle, yelling for us to throw them a spray can because they're under attack from the robots. I begin pushing Tim's head harder and start screaming at him to give us the can, but he still refuses.

Eventually we're able to get the can and we run over to the next aisle to aid our friends, but the tide has already turned against us, and it was all chaos. Then I woke up.

Hebrews 11:35

How could I possibly hope for a better ressurection if I cannot weather life's mildest of storms?

Hell? Really?

The details are not exact, but this one day I was washing dishes at a friend's house and I heard a mother and her two little children playing outside. We were next door to a church of scientology or something of that sort, and they were playing in the church's playground. The kids were pretty hyper, running around and having a blissful time. The mother was kinda just watching over them, not actively playing with them but making sure they were safe and pushing them on the swings every now and then. They were all enjoying themselves in a kind of fun, peaceful way.

And I thought to myself, according to my beliefs, this mother is going to hell (granting the assumption that she's not a Christian). Wow. Do I really believe this? I mean, yes I believe it. But what I'm acknowledging intellectually is difficult to bring to bear with what is before my eyes, a mother playing with her children.

In a classroom it's a little easier to say yes, man is totally depraved. In an act of cosmic insurrection he has displaced God's rightful place on the throne of his life and taken it for himself, and for that justice demands wrath. Moreover, condemnation to hell, eternal damnation, is God saying to the sinner, "thy will be done"; it's allowing the person the dignity of their choice, and when we rebel and refuse to stop our rebellion, hell is allowing us that choice.

I keep washing the dishes, and I think, but still. This mother playing with her children? Eternal damnation?

I have more to say about this, but, I'd like you the reader to comment what you guys think about that. Comments is the funs.

Mind and Muscle

For various reasons I've been doing the Grace Valley reading schedule recently instead of the Gracepoint one for DT's. Grace Valley Christian Center is my friend's church in Davis, and for their reading schedule they read a couple of books from the Old and New testaments every day. It's been going over 1 Samuel recently.

One thing that strikes me about David during his time as a fugitive is his complete reliance on God. In 1 Samuel 26, he's running for his life with his ragtag band of followers and he hears the news that the Israelite city of Keilah is under attack by the Philistines. He inquires of the Lord whether he should go save Keilah. The Lord answers in the affirmative, but David's men are afraid, saying that as it is they're scared for their lives, and how much more if they try to take on these Philistines. David inquires again, the Lord answers again with a promise of victory. David and his small band go and defeat the Philistines, saving the city of Keilah.

How do I face difficulty? Come up with a better plan, try harder. Mind and muscle. David's certainly intelligent, strong, and brave, but he takes no stock in these things. In an honest assessment of the situation, the soldiers were right; they didn't have the military capacity to be going of and fighting whole armies of Philistines while they were running for their own lives, they didn't have the strength, it wasn't a strategic move. But David, a man after God's own heart, relies entirely on the Lord for his strength, and in simple obedience fights the Lord's battle and emerges victorious.

This is the only way to face life. Things are too uncertain for me to take stock in myself. God is faithful, God loves me; neither death nor life, neither angles nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate me from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus my Lord. These are the truths I need to grab hold of, and only in these things, not myself, can I have stability and certainty and security.

Proximate Responsibility

So I've had this view on responsibility for a while that I'd like to sketch out in brief, though I've touched on it in my post "Demandingness and Compassion Sunday." First off, something I first heard in a moral psychology class. Let's say that I'm walking along and I see that there's a baby drowning in a pond. I don't want to ruin the nice dress pants I'm wearing so I just keep walking along and let the baby drown. This is clearly NOT an appropriate reaction. Despite the loss of my treasured pants, the loss of time, and the uncomfortability of wetting my socks, the moral duty to save the baby clearly outweighs any such considerations. The right thing to do is to say "oh my gosh a baby is drowning," and immediatly jump in and save the baby.

Okay, so saving a life is more important than retaining your nice set of cloths and that 10 minutes. Why do we not give that same amount of money to prevent a child in Africa from starving to death? It seems that the inconveniences that we once mocked as uncaring and selfish we now cling to in our defense; we'd rather spend that money on slightly better meals, morning coffee, and a shiny new pair of shoes than the starving kid. Point granted: we really ought to care about the affairs of others, even those in foreign countries, more than we do instead of spending all of our resources on many of our own concerns which are in comparison trivial.

However, one assumption that's implicit in the comparison is that you know for sure that your ten dollars is gonna save the starving kid. Quite likely, a good portion of that is going to be consumed by overhead transaction costs and corruption. You don't know for sure that your money is going to save the kid, and so that uncertainty does play a role. It doesn't justify giving no money at all, but it does explain why you'd be more obligated to give money to save a starving child in front of you over a starving child a thousand miles away.

I think this idea of proximity is in part why Jesus said "love your neighbor as yourself," rather than a simple "love everybody as yourself." It's more concrete, and it's more sure. While we do have obligation to the starving child far away from us in Africa, our obligation is first and foremost to the starving children next to us. Most likely the people around us aren't starving; but they have real needs which we should be trying to meet.

This is in part how I deal with prioritization and how I choose what to do when there's many pressing obligations and things that would be good to do. The needs that are immediatly presented to me take priority; the people in front of me take priority. True, if this idea is taken to the extreme then it provides justification for neglecting people who ought not to be simply because we might think that we can't do anything or we don't know enough; and that self-justification of "it's okay not to care about this person because he's in the wrong category" is specifically addressed in the preceding story of the Good Samaritan. But, in summary, I think that decreased proximity increases responsibility.

Anyway. I should be studying more for the lsat. But it's far away =)

Fish and Man

"Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream." (Malcolm Muggeridge)

Today is the lucky day when you, the reader, can offer me assistance! Got a couple of questions for all ya'll. First off, I've recently discovered that some people for whom I am responsible have been cheating in a class. What would you do?

Here's a question posed by a friend of mine. Let's say you lived in a part of China where the only way you can do business is to give bribes to the government officials regulating the process. Would you do it?

His Own Purpose

"But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, who has saved us and called us to a holy life - not because of anything we have done, but because of his own purpose and grace." (2 Timothy 1:8b-9a.)

It's been interesting these past couple of weeks. I feel a bit split between Davis, Berkeley, and Alameda. Unlike before I don't have one place which is mainly "home"... I kind of have three homes. It's good in some ways, but I miss the old days when I come back home to Dwight or Dana house and just hang out with my peers again, and always have people to talk to and eat with.

But why have I been called to this life? Is it because I've done something bad and am punished for it, or is it because I am particularly awesome or specially qualified? Neither. It's because of God's own purpose and grace. My duty now is to be faithful where I am at now, at this peculiar juncture that God has called me to be at. And what does being faithful entail for me now?

"And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others." (2 Timothy 2:2)

I think this is my primary duty right now; equipping the youth and the youth group staff so that they can in turn minister to others. To preach to the whole group is good; but the particular need is for those with open ears to hear these words. I see my job as one of equipping and training and building up. Along those lines, I'm glad to have the opportunity to teach Course 101 right now.

There are many different skills that are useful for ministry, and most of them I don't have or am not very good at. To love people concretely requires some skills; but I'm not particularly good at cooking, I'm not particularly generous with my time or money, I'm not particularly good at keeping things clean... though I'm trying to work on these things, slowly. Also, I'm not musical at all, and I'm not good at photoshop and making things like picture frames or writing cards. One of my few strengths is teaching, and so teaching Course 101 is one of the best ways that I can serve the youth.

On another note, I did the salt water flush today per Ben's recommendation. It was fun insofar as it was novel, but the drinking of the salt water and the leaving of the salt water were both not very fun. Oh yeah, another random thing. I'm working at this civil engineering firm, and yesterday my coworker was explaining to me some of the construction work that's being done and he mentioned the base and superstructure and I just thought "Marx!" Haha, silly education.

Swined

I think I got swined. All the symptoms of it match, anyway. According to Paul, Annie Song said 90% of the flus in the Bay Area right now are Swine Flu. Yeah: fever, cough, sore throat, body aches, headache, chills and fatigue.

Started on Saturday... just started feeling really cold, then a slight headache and getting tired. My body started getting drained of energy, and by the time it was evening, my head was just totally out of it. Sunday morning I was well enough to teach Course 101, but by the time I got back, I just rolled around bed until evening. You know that feeling after pulling allnighter... when even the times that you're awake you're not really there? That's how I've been feeling this week, at BEST. It was like my whole body shut down on me.

Anyway, today I was driving home with a pounding headache, and then all of a sudden it dissapeared and I felt better and fully recovered. It was like I woke up from a long nap... haha, like, whooo, I'm finally alive now!

Yeah, pretty excited to get back to life as usual. Had some pretty pitiful moments this week, but it's over now =)

Life After College

In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. (Proverbs 16:9)

Is that good or is that bad? The plan is for things to go according to plan; it's a given that when I plan something to go a certain way, I want it to go that way. I'm a person who trusts a lot in his own thinking, my own way of seeing things in the world, my own logic. I want the world to fit my picture of it. I'm glad God knows better. In my foggy moments, I think I see clearly, but in my clearer moments I realize I'm nearsighted. It turns out I'm a silly sheep, following his own small mind trying to do things that seem good, unaware really of what I'm doing. Thankfully I have the Lord as my shepherd, who watches over me in every way.

I've officially been working a week and two days now. I found out on the first day that because I'm now in the construction industry, I'll be working 7am-3:30pm. Discovering that, I determined to wake up at 5am to have time to do DT's, and I've been successful so far. My first reaction is to say it's thanks to exercise and a regular sleep schedule. My mom would say it's the Holy Spirit. Someone else might say it's the testimonies of others (like the one given at winter retreat, and some other old friends). I think all of the above. It's been hard to go to sleep early, and I need to get better at it, but I'm working on it.

The commute from Daly City to Berkeley can be brutal sometimes, taking up to an hour and fifteen minutes. One day last week, I was particularly frustrated because I had to make copies of these 24" x 36" schematics at Kinkos, and the copier was particularly uncooperative, making the whole trip take maybe three times as long as expected. The boss was having me run some errands that day after which I could go home early and miss traffic, but because things took longer than expected, I hit traffic anyway and was stuck in painfully long traffic jams. I was getting pretty unhappy with myself and the situation.

At the same time, Pastor Ed's words kept bothering me. I remember him saying in his sermon once that we have a warped, ungrateful perspective of the world. People come to him complaining about their jobs, and he wants to respond wait, you HAVE a job to complain about? Thinking about that quieted me down a bit, because I realized yeah, I am really lucky to have a job, a lot of people don't. And even though I'm still stuck in traffic, I'm actually still getting home earlier than I would have. But... I was still not happy.

I turned the radio to NPR, and I listened to a boy from India talk about his job as a metalwelder and the harsh conditions there. Because his family has no money, he has to work in a factory handling scorching hot metal with his bare hands. When his bosses feel lazy and want to take a nap, they make him use the metal blowtorch, without any safety equipment. If his hand shakes at all when cutting the metal, the blowtorch will cause metal sparks to fly up and hit him. Listening to the boy, I felt thoroughly rebuked for being unhappy with my comfortable American job.

On a different note, this past weekend was pretty fun. On Friday, visited Acacia, the young adult group for DCCC. On Saturday, met up with Emmanuel in the morning, went to the library, came home and knocked out for a little while, played tennis, went to youth group. On Sunday, went to church, played nerf wars, drove back to Berekely. Starting this upcoming Sunday, I'll be teaching Course 101 for Sunday School. Pretty exciting! Gotta put some more time into it. Please pray for that.

Earlier this week, I locked my keys in my car, which added stress to some other thing I was stressing about. Mostly, I get upset at myself for making mistakes. After everything was resolved, though, I felt pretty happy at how things went. Yeah, things may not go according to plan... didn't end up doing staff intern like I meant to, didn't mean to mess up so many copies at Kinkos and hit traffic, didn't mean to lock my keys in the car. But the Lord watches over my steps, and everything, even my mistakes, are not outside of his sovereignty. He watches over me and directs everything for my good.

And, well, He directs not just through circumstances, but through His people too. "Make plans by seeking advice; if you wage war, obtain guidance" (Proverbs 20:18). The guidance I've gotten from friends and older people have been invaluable, and they've been really good at giving me direction, encouragement, while at the same time grounding me. Yep, really thankful for my friends.

So yeah. I'm pretty happy right now. Thanks to me? No. But thanks to my shepherd, who watches over me and determines my steps, and guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. God is good, therefore life is good.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow's my first day of work.  Looking forward to it!  Kinda excited, I wanna see what it's like, find out what I'll be doing.  I hope I do well!  From the looks of it tomorrow's gonna be somewhat of an easy orientation day, filling out forms 'n stuff.  After that I may start going on site.

"One Day More," Les Miserables

Tomorrow we'll discover

What our God in heaven has in store

One more dawn

One more day

One day more!

Just Enough

Hi all. To give a quick update on my life, I'll be living in Berkeley this next year, commuting to work in Daly City to work for LAN Engineering, and commuting every weekend to help with the DCCC youth group. I'll no longer officially be a part of Gracepoint, though I will do my best to keep up my relationships with my friends and leaders.

It'll be a hard commute. About two hours of commute by Bart every weekday, and three hours of commute by car for the weekend. I think it'll be draining for me emotionally and physically, and I'll also have to handle the stresses of transitioning to working life. I've wanted God to give me some kind of surge of courage to take on the next new year, but I think it's not gonna happen.

Rather, this: "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go" (Joshua 1:9). I don't know what this new year will bring, or how hard it will be. But what I do know is that God will be faithful, and with that knowledge I have the courage to boldly keep going, at least for this next step.

Vision, Fear, Dependence, Prayer, Courage

We're going through Nehemiah 1, and one of the questions asked about what we can learn about fear, courage, vision, prayer, and dependence on God from Nehemiah.

First, Nehemiah has the vision.  The messenger comes back and tells of the disgraceful state of Israel, and Nehemiah's heart breaks.  From that he gets the vision of going back and restoring Israel.

But what does it take for something to actually happen?  First of all, Nehmiah's a cupbearer, not a politician or a general, so he probably doesn't have a lot of experience or abilities that are relevant to the task he needs to carry out.  Second, much depends at this point on the will or favor of the king.  When Nehmiah presents his request to the king, if the king's in a bad mood, there's no way to move forward.  Success is outside of his ability to secure.

That is why vision can lead to fear, because there is something to fall short of.  With a vision of accomplishing some difficult task, just thinking of all the obstacles and measuring ourselves against them will naturally lead to fear, because the possibility of failure becomes real.

At this point, though, fear will bring the one who depends on God to prayer.  Recognizing that he's not able to secure success on his own, he turns to the Sovereign God in whose hands are all things: his own soul, the will of the king, and all future events.  From this prayer comes confidence.  This is not a foolhardy confidence, as would be the case if he was trusting in his own abilities.  Rather, this is a confidence that comes from the knowledge that God is with him.

I'm somewhere in the middle right now.  A little afraid to dream right now, actually, because there's a fear that I won't be able to do it all.  That it'll be too hard.  That I won't be able to handle the demands of work and ministry, that it'll be too physically and emotionally draining, that I won't be able to adjust.  Fear of failure.  And this fear threatens to restrict vision, because the more I aspire to, the more failure is possible.

I'm trying to turn to God and depend on him, trying to pray through this struggle.  Can I trust that God is sovereign?  That God has the whole world in his hands?  That he who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus?

I really like that kind of bold confidence of being able to jump in headfirst, despite real possibility of failure.  If there's no chance of failure, it's probably too easy.  The possibility of losing makes winning fun.  Life without challenge would be a bore.  I want the courage to say "time to ante up and kick in...  like men!"

Soon.

House of Mourning

The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure.  (Ecclesiastes 7:4)

When I was still teaching youth group, I came across this verse and wrestled with trying to understand it.  Why is wisdom associated with the house of mourning, and why is foolishness associated with the house of pleasure?

I realized that when I'm with my friends, and we're laughing and joking and having a good time, when we're having a blast and in what you might call a house of pleasure, I feel immortal.  Nothing could go wrong, life will always be great like this, everything is happy and beautiful, we are like gods.

In the house of mourning, when we are faced with death or some other misfortune, we are directly confronted by our own mortality.  We were helpless to stop it...  and we have so little power in our hands do anything except to cry out to someone who can.  Things can so easily go wrong, life will not always be grand, and not everything is happy and beautiful.  We are mortals, weak and frail.

And that recognition of our mortality is, I think, why Ecclesiastes says wisdom is found in the house of mourning.

(final version) What is Life?

42.  Ah, if only the answer to the perennial question were that simple.  Recently I've found myself doing a lot of reflection in the days leading up to and following my graduation, and I'd like to take a moment to share the conclusion I've come to about this question.

I'd like to begin with a quote by John Lassetter, one of Pixar's founding members.  The Pixar team was trying to coming up with a story to pitch to Disney, and Lasseter finally hit on an idea that would make their film come together.  Toy Story became wildly successful, and Lassetter explains that his brother had taught him the crucial lesson to ground the fantastic in the everyday.

"To me," he said, "the key is understanding that a man-made object is made for a reason.  And therefore, if it were alive, it would want to serve that purpose more than anything in the world.  A glass is meant to hold liquid, so it's happiest when it's full.  The more you drink from it, the sadder it gets.  When you get to the bottom and it's empty, its biggest hope is to be washed and filled again.  The saddest thing in the world is a paper cup.  What kind of life is that?  It gets this moment of ecstasy - 'I'm filled!' - and then it's drunk from and wadded up and thrown away.  Life's done."

(To Infinity and Beyond! The story of Pixar Animation Studios, page 84)

We have no idea what it'd actually be like to be a paper cup and want to be filled with water; being a paper cup is alien to us.  Yet we connect with that paper cup which wants to fulfill its purpose, as well as the rest of Lassetter's animated lamps and toys which he imbues with life.  There's something about that need to fulfill purpose which resonates with us, something about that deep inner longing which makes the personal narrative of a paper cup so familiar to us.

In the same vein of thought as Lassetter from Pixar, Aristotle said that everything has a nature or essence that determines its function, and that function is what gives it its meaning.  To be a good hammer, you gotta hammer well.  To be a good cup, you gotta be able to hold water.  What is the nature of man?  What are we, what is life?

To be straightforward, I've become fully convinced of the Christian answer to this question: we are created for relationship with God.  Leaving the answer at that would be cheating you the reader, I think, because if the answer I've given is true it has many implications.

Every created thing shares a special relationship with its creator.  A carpenter can take a piece of wood and make a chair, and give that object the shape and form of a chair with its corresponding function and purpose.  Or he can take the same piece of wood, and make a storage chest.  The created object really has no say, and there is a simple fact of the matter that the object has its essence defined by the creator.

Man imperiously rebelled against God, our creator, and we seek to define our own nature, our own function, our own essence.  That's not a sentiment found only in Genesis, but within our own hearts.  We feel it ourselves, that black desire to scorn the words of others so that we can live life the way that we want to.  I feel it in myself when I listen to the words of the poet Henley when he defiantly declares "I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul."

As a result of this rebellion, we have become dysfunctional.  We have all the marks of good creatures gone astray.  Adam Smith in his book "The Wealth of Nations" famously stated that man is driven by rational self-interest, pointing out that it is beyond obvious that the baker bakes your bread not because he cares for you, but because he wants the money you will provide for that bread so that he can buy something for himself.  It's less well-known that before "The Wealth of Nations," he became renown for writing "The Theory of Moral Sentiments," in which he argued that society is held together by compassion, citing as evidence the pain we feel in ourselves when we witness the pain in another, the human capacity for sympathy and care.

We recognize in ourselves this capacity for compassion and good, but we can also see that nearly all of our day-to-day decisions are not driven by a desire to be good, but rather, self-interest.  We have all the signs of creatures created to be good that have gone astray to pursue our own desires.

I want you to imagine with me for a second.  Imagine you are having an argument with a good friend of yours, and you are thoroughly convinced that she is wrong.  If only she'd stop and consider the reasons you're presenting, she'd see that you're right.  You argue with full vigor and passion, but as the argument progresses, it slowly dawns on you she may be right.  No, not only that; she IS right.  It's too late though, you've said too much, you'd be a fool to admit it now.

The conversation ends at an impasse - what now?  No, I don't care, I'm not going to admit that I'm wrong.  You know what, I'm not obligated to admit that I'm wrong.  I'd rather die.

There's a black pleasure of holding onto pride, of holding onto autonomy.  There is also the torment and twisting of the soul that occurs, we are struggling with all our might to protect our image and dignity but we loathe ourselves for it.  I'd like to suggest that that is what hell may be like.  In our refusal to admit that we are wrong, we have separated ourselves from our creator, and hell is God allowing us to have our way.

The question is most often phrased, "who can save us from our sins," but I would like to phrase it "who can save us from ourselves?"  There is one answer:  Jesus Christ.  He took all the guilt and shame of our sins and bore upon himself all the consequences.  We rightly deserve hell, but Jesus suffered hell for us so that we could experience freedom.  Accepting Jesus Christ means freedom.  We were slaves to our sins and desires, but we can now be free to live and love.  Following Jesus Christ means being free to experience the pleasures of being fully human, fully as God intended for us to be.

I'd like to end with probably the most famous of all Bible verses, John 3:16: "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."  The invitation is open, and everyone makes a choice about this invitation, whether it is to reject it, ignore it, or accept it.  I sincerely implore you, consider it.

apples and oranges

I was thinking today, it's a common response to say ah you can't compare those, it's like comparing apples and oranges.  That implies that what we can compare are just things of the same kind; apples with apples, oranges with oranges.  But even when we're comparing apples to apples, what if we run into different kinds of differences?  Such as, this apple is nice and big, but this apple is much sweeter.  Here again we're comparing two different kinds of things, size with taste; and aren't we again caught comparing apples and oranges?

What we can do is say well, this apple is big, but this apple is even BIGGER!  This orange is sweet, but this one is even more sweet!  What we're doing, essentially, is looking for Pareto optimality.  I'd take the time to explain Pareto efficiency right now, but I'm lazy + need to study.

The point is that we DO compare apples and oranges.  How else do we decide what car, or laptop to buy?  Very rarely is any product superior to another in every single way, and we need to decide which features or qualities are more important to us.  Learning how to compare and weigh different kinds of qualities with each other seems to be key in making value judgments.

quoting philosophy

sometimes it's bothersome to me that i think in terms of philosophy.  it's just that all of life is the subject matter of philosophy, so it pertains to anything that could come up in a conversation.

like today, during lunch there was a conversation about if you didn't have anything to benefit from a friend, you wouldn't be friends with him.  immediatly that brought to mind Plato, who said that human love is the child of poverty.

oh well.  time to study.

Nerd Workout

I'm really curious to see who appreciates this.  Only the nerdiest of the nerdiest.  *cough* Jon *cough*

Vision

Definition of "Vision", given by Pastor Ed in a message long ago:
"A picture of the future that galvanizes your energies towards its realization."

On another note... I sat down for econ class feeling just fine, got hit by the sleepy hammer, and then I was knocked out. This happens to me often. I have not yet discovered a foolproof method of defeating the sleepy hammer.

Coinses

I converted all of my nickles and dimes into quarters today using photocopy machines. It brought me great joy.

Tyranny of the Self

I think my previous post was a little shallow. All I did was to point out that Paul's point is straightforward, without going into more detail about some of these philosophies in particular. I'll do that now.

Here's an example which demonstrates the kind of philosophy which Andy Tung was talking about today at service. It's a poem called "Invictus" (latin for 'unconquered') written by William Henley.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbow'd.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

This is a flaunting of the strength of self over circumstances, over anything that the world could bring. My pride finds some of these lines particularly appealing... my heady is bloody, but unbow'd... I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul. That image of standing on my own two feet, reliant on no one, taking on the world with my own might. That imperious defiance, I am my own king, I do what I want!

I think C.S. Lewis would say that that is a picture of hell itself. Why? Because the fact of the matter is that the "I" has been corrupted by sin, and if we really wish to be the captain or king of our souls, God will let us. But sin is intrinsically misery-inducing, and our rule of ourselves becomes a tyranny. (see C.S. Lewis' "The Great Divorce")

In Plato's Republic, the great question is asked whether justice is worthwhile for its own sake, or whether it's only worthwhile for the benefits it brings. In the Republic book IX, praised by scholars for its psychological realism, Plato argues that a life that simply does whatever it wants (a life which completely disregards justice) is a life given over to the desires and lawlessness. And a life governed by this kind of lawlessness is misery itself.

He points out that "in all of us, even in good men, there is a lawless wild-beast nature." When this lawlessness within us grows and takes control, we become more enslaved by wickedness, and worst is when a man has the power to actually carry out all his lusts. Plato concludes:

He who is the real tyrant, whatever men may think, is the real slave, and is obliged to practise the greatest adulation and servility, and to be the flatterer of the vilest of mankind. He has desires which he is utterly unable to satisfy, and has more wants than any one, and is truly poor, if you know how to inspect the whole soul of him: all his life long he is beset with fear and is full of convulsions, and distractions.

See then, how this philosophy of complete reliance on self rather than on Christ is so appealing, but which in the end turns out to be hollow and deceptive. We are not good kings of ourselves; we need a new king, Christ, to rule us and save us from our tyrannous selves.

Colossians 2:8

"See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ." -Colossians 2:8

The commentary that Gracepoint provided on this passage says "There can be no doubt that for us this is one of the most difficult passages Paul ever wrote." That was surprising to me, because actually I felt that this verse was pretty straightforward. A lot of philosophy is hollow and deceptive, and the philosophy that is hollow and deceptive can take you captive.

I mean, every philosopher who comes along says the guy before him was wrong. They call each other hollow and deceptive, so as a whole what philosophers say must be mostly wrong given that they contradict each other, even though they all use fine-sounding arguments. And the elegance with which these arguments are presented can be really attractive and can deceive, even if they're wrong.

But anyway, I do love philosophy as a discipline.

Wise Enough

"Are you wise enough to know you are not wise enough?" - Rick Holland

One thing that's been on mind is Proverbs 3:7, which says "Do you see a man who is wise in his own eyes? There is more hope than a fool than for him." I am wise in my own eyes. That means there's more hope for a fool than for me. Not good huh? In the words of some of my teammates... "that's all bad." Working on it.

Missing Quote and Communication

Ah, here's the C.S. Lewis quote I was thinking of last time, but couldn't find:

"...you will find that the Christians who did most for the present world were just those who thought most of the next. The Apostles... all left their mark on Earth, precisely because their minds were occupied with Heaven. It is since Christians have largely ceased to think of the other world that they have become so ineffective in this. Aim at Heaven and you will get earth 'thrown in': aim at earth and you will get neither."

On a completely separate note, I realized what it is that I do wrong when I talk. What I do is I put my thoughts into words. When my thoughts are good, then my talking is good, so that's why when I understand something and think things through, I can talk well and explain things clearly. This way of talking serves me well when I have time to think about it first.

However, this kind of direct thought-->words speech process is one of the reasons why I can be kind of blunt at times. Caught off guard, I'll just say honestly what I think and forget to consider what kind of impact my words might have. My point will be clearly stated but the message conveyed will be different than what was intended.

Gotta work on this whole communication thing.

Spring from Hope

"We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, because we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love you have for all the saints— 5the faith and love that spring from the hope that is stored up for you in heaven and that you have already heard about in the word of truth, the gospel 6that has come to you." (Colossians 1:3-5)

That one phrase really struck me: "the faith and love that spring from the hope that is stored up for you in heaven." I think it is because we have hope in heaven and future reward that we have room for faith and love in this life.

In my philosophy classes we talk about "utilitarianism" which is the idea that you ought to maximize utility (utility meaning something like goodness or happiness). Utilitarianism can be modified in many different ways to say you should maximize utility for yourself, or for society as a whole, and can be changed in many other ways as well. As a side note, the forms of utilitarianism we studied in philosophy differ from the kind of utilitarianism John Mill (the founder) espoused (based on my history of economics class).

I think this idea does hit something very fundamental within us, it does resonate with the feeling that we should make the most out of life and do as much as good as possible. Maximize. And that's why I think that if our hope is for this life only, it makes a lot of sense to maximize everything we've got here, carpe diem.

But because we have this hope, maximizing both our own utility and the utility of society as a whole allows room for deferring getting payoffs and rewards for our actions. It's okay to not get the glory, it's okay if other people get the better spot, it's okay to miss out on pleasures. It's better to serve than to be served. It's maximizing to love and to give. Why? Because our scope is not limited to this present life, but heaven. With the knowledge that life is short and eternity is long, maximizing utility plays out completely differently, changing from self-interested maximization to faith and love.

We hope in heaven, and that's why we live like this.

Me, Often:

More Human

Pastor Ed mentioned in a message recently that we should not be like "that weird character in Albert Camus' 'The Stranger,' disconnected from everything around him." Interesting because I really liked the book because I could identify a lot with that guy.

In the story the main character Meursault goes about life as if he's not really a part of the things that are going on around him; he recognizes what's happening, but his emotional responses are not engaging properly. He's at a funeral, and he knows he's supposed to feel sad, but he doesn't. Aware of some of the social norms and what people expect of him, he sort of goes through some of the motions, but mostly because that's just what he's supposed to do. There's a point where he and his friend spontaneously decide to chase after a truck; in that chase, Meursault feels really alive, he's in the moment, he's fully connected to what's happening. But it's a rare occasion, and most of the time he doesn't know why he's doing what he's doing, he just does them.

I used to feel like that a lot more. Like when that thank you card gets passed around, and I think yeah hmmm this person has done things for me, and I know I'm supposed to feel grateful but I don't, and now I'm supposed to write words about how I feel so grateful. But it's what's expected, so I will. This would happen for other kind of events too. That feeling of, I should be feeling a certain way right now, but I don't. I should be connected to what's happening right now, but I'm not. But because I know that this reaction is what's expected, I'll do it. And in that way I was like Meursault, a stranger in the world, out of place.

I've come to realize that being like that is to be less human, or, more inhuman. Sometimes when I'm back home in Davis for a longer period of time with not much to do, I find myself become more like that, more apathetic, more callous, more disconnected from the concerns of the people around me, more self-focused. But at Gracepoint the opposite happens, and I realized that Gracepoint makes me more human.

It's not that Davis is bad, but in Berkeley we have a community of people and a culture that fosters proper relationships, and by engaging in these relationships I've developed proper emotional responses such as gratitude and compassion. Davis isn't bad, but there it's easier for me to sin because there's less accountability, and it's sin that makes me less human.

What brought all this to mind was Gracepoint Live. I can personally connect with the themes that are being portrayed and have proper emotional reactions. Some of those scenes are really touching, and being able to feel joy and sadness, sometimes even crying, I realize that I am more human than I used to be. And I'm really grateful for that.

Is Art a Liar?

Judge, a housemate, told me that I hadn't updated for a long time, so here it is.

I wrote a paper recently for my philosophy of aesthetics class that I really liked. That class as a whole has been one of my most rewarding classes at Cal. The professor is Alva Noe, and I really wished I had taken more classes taught by him. Really, in college, the professor makes all the difference.

Anyway, the essay prompt was "is art a source of knowledge?" I titled my paper "Is Art a Liar?," in honor of Plato's argument that art is a liar and therefore should be banned. One of the major arguments I gave in favor of my thesis that art is a source of knowledge is basically that art can give us "what is it like" knowledge (or, a more fancy way of saying it is "phenomenological knowledge"). To do so, I had to first prove that there is real knowledge besides just factual knowledge, that "what is it like" knowledge is actually knowledge. In support of this claim, I cited two articles, first "What is it Like to be a Bat" by Thomas Nagel, and then "What Mary Didn't Know" by Frank Jackson.

In his article, Thomas Nagel first describes the process through which a bat can navigate through echolocation, emitting sound waves and detecting the walls of the caves and nearby objects in a sonar-like fashion. But even though we have could have a complete physical description of what's going on, can you imagine what it would be like to be a bat, travelling through a cave using echolocation? This points to the fact that there is real knowledge besides just factual knowledge. Frank Jackson makes the same point in his article "What Mary Didn't Know." Imagine a little girl who's confined to a black and white world but has complete scientific understanding of the color red. We bring her out to the world of color and for the first time she sees red. She learns something new: what red looks like. Thus, there's more to knowledge than just facts, and this "what is it like" kind of knowledge is what art offers us.

My main argument in response to the argument that art is a source of knowledge is a modernized version of Plato's argument against art. It begins by saying sure, I'll grant you that "what is it like" knowledge is a valid kind of knowledge, but art is a liar. A liar can sometimes tell you the truth, but often just enough so that you can’t tell when he’s lying. Art, in the same way, can sometimes provide knowledge whether propositional or phenomenological, but also deceives so much that really art is a liar. Consider this – how do people build much of their understanding of the world? Observation. Over time, we make a lot of observations, we perceive a lot of things about the world, and from these we infer what is true about the world. Our perceptions of the world can lead to an incomplete understanding of the world because we only see a slice of what’s real. Art can be a gateway into knowledge about life beyond the familiar day-to-day; but if the thing it is teaching is something that we are unfamiliar with, how do we recognize whether it is truth or lie? Like the man who keeps his deceptive senses in check and through his knowledge knows that the sun is not really the size of his thumb, with the proper knowledge we could discern truth from lie in art.

At least with real life, however, our perceptions are only once removed from reality, at least we know that what we are seeing is the appearance of what is real. Art, on the other is twice removed from reality, it is an appearance of an appearance of what is real, completely chosen and shaped by the artist. If we trust the artist, then we have good reason to trust his artwork is not lying to us, but in all the television and ads and media we take in nowadays, rarely do we know beforehand whether the artist is trustworthy. In fact, we have good reason to believe that these Hollywood producers are simply producing something that they think will make them a lot of money. Thus, art really has the reliability of a liar, sometimes providing knowledge and often lying, and so like we would say of a liar it is not a source of knowledge.

I like this argument a lot, actually, and I think it holds a lot of truth to it. I won't go so far as Plato and say that art should be banned, because art can convey things that simple fact-telling can't. But art does have the potential to be very deceptive, and I think it is wise to remember that art has the power of making false fiction seem true and real.

When we were talking about Plato's argument (which I didn't exactly give here, just something similar) in class, the professor talked about how we even though nowadays we think it's outrageous to even consider banning all art, we do believe that it is important to protect children from watching excessive amounts of sex and violence on TV. We want to protect them because we have this belief that they won't be able to process these things properly, and that it'll have a negative effect on their development. As adults, we have knowledge to keep the things we watch in check, but he said that he doesn't have a TV because he'd just leave it on all the time and wouldn't be on guard to all the things he'd be taking in.

So, basically, the stuff you take in can affect you, especially if you're not on guard. My church says that, and that's why none of us have tv's, but we're all puritans anyway right? But Plato and my philosophy of art professor say it too, and if I was a psych major I'd cite various studies to support the claim. Anyway, art can be good and useful, but be careful what you take in, it can mess with you.

Desire Satisfaction

I took a Moral Psychology class last year. Some of the stuff was pretty interesting, but I spent a lot of time in class playing spider solitaire.

Often times in that class, a philosopher would work off the assumption that happiness is fulfilling your desires. That seems to make sense on some level... why'd we want something that would make us unhappy? We want to be happy, so naturally if that's our goal, we'd desire the things that make us happy - so, happiness will be the fulfillment of our desires.

Does this work? Nope, for two reasons. First of all, we don't know what will make us happy. For example, many people think that the achievement of some goal will bring satisfaction to their lives. If only I could be #1 on the team, if only I can get into a good college, if only I can get a good job, etc... then I'd be happy. But so often achievement is only a ticket into a new arena of competition. I got what I wanted, but the trophy turns out to be empty and I'm not satisfied.

Second, our desires get messed up, like the drug addict who knows that they'd be better off quitting, but just keeps wanting more. An example from my own life: I used to play a lot of video games and watch anime, and I'd always say ahh, okay just one more game, one more episode. And after fulfilling my desires, I wouldn't be happy. That happened on Monday, I wasted a lot of time playing a game called Bloon Tower Defense 3. Not happy afterwards. I told my roommate to punch me if he caught me wasting my life like that again.

Anyway, all this to make the point, happiness is not desire satisfaction. Happiness is not getting what you want (though, it'd be good if the two overlap). So what is happiness? More on this later.

God as a Fair Judge

Hey hey, so people have liked my post about moral luck! Thanks for the encouraging comments =)

There's a couple of things I wanted to add about the topic, especially regarding Wesley's question about how God will judge people who have had unfortunate circumstances growing up that have shaped their character in a negative way. Nagel, the author of "Moral Luck," actually identified four kinds of moral luck. The first is "resultant luck," which is the way things turn out like in the example I used with Sean and I simultaneously firing guns.

There's also "circumstantial luck" which refers to the circumstances you find yourself in. For example, imagine a Nazi collaborator in Germany who participates in carrying out morally atrocious acts - but if that man was transferred to Argentina by his company a year earlier, he would have lead a life without any such heinous crimes. The way he acted was determined by the circumstances he found himself in, which was out of his control.

Then there's "constitutive luck," which is the luck Wesley is referring to; it's luck in who one is. Who we are is highly shaped by our genes, our environment, our friends, teachers, parents. We blame someone for being selfish or cowardly or self-righteous, though he is that way largely because of the genes he was born with and the way his parents raised him, both of which are totally out of his control. The example Wesley gave was a person who is really hateful because he was abused as a child. Lastly, there's "causal luck," but it's a little redundant, it's basically about how our free will choices are heavily influenced by causal forces prior to them.

All this points to the fact that people are not dealt an even hand. But, we learn from the parable of the talents that God holds people responsible for what they have been given. What to do you do with what you do have, what do you do with what you do know? That is what each of us is responsible for, and if we have been given much (good parents, good circumstances, etc.) much will be asked, and if we have been given little (abusive parents, bad neighborhood, etc.) that will be taken into account too. We can trust that God is a fair judge.

There's a practical application to all of this, and that's how we judge others. Most of us educated people are the ones who have been dealt the good hand, the ones who have been given much. I think for much of my life I was like the Pharisee in Luke 18; I thought myself righteous because I was not like all those sinners who sold drugs, stole, murdered. But just to look at things statistically, most people who are dealt the bad hand that these criminals had end up being criminal, and most people who are dealt the good hand turn out as good kids. Just how much better am I than these criminals; am I really that sure I would have been different if I had been dealt their hand? So, to echo this past Sunday's message at Gracepoint: pity the fellow sinner, and have mercy as we have been shown mercy.

Ok, that's all for now. I've gotta study now... gotta be more studious, I've been kinda slacking.

Manly but Foolish

The other day I went with Albert Kim and Sean to Bancroft Clothing to buy umbrellas. We were immediately drawn to the large and sturdy $22 golf umbrellas. Every time we opened up one of those things it would make a FWOOM sound, full and powerful, and we excitedly joked about how just owning one of those umbrellas would double your manliness, and how this umbrella alone would be enough to transition a person from boyhood to manhood.

And then I saw the tag: ladies golf umbrella. Shocked, I put the umbrella back and refused to buy it. We were all confused about why an all-black and completely gender-neutral umbrella was labeled a ladies umbrella, but I was convinced that it was unacceptable to use such an umbrella as I hear that doing such things can cause one to dream about pink ponies and unicorns. Sean and Albert bought the ladies umbrella anyway.

I opted for a smaller, $25 titanium umbrella. Doesn't provide as much coverage as the big umbrella, but it's good because I can carry it around in my backpack all the time and I'm more prone to lose a big umbrella that I have to put down separately from my backpack. I was pretty happy about my purchase, until yesterday when Robin, Vivian and I were walking to class from the Y, and Vivian had a green umbrella exactly the same as mine... except that she got it from another nearby store for $10.

So yes. I conclude that I am manly but foolish.

Moral Luck and Jesus' Ethics

Growing up a lot of different things about Christianity wouldn't make sense to me, and oftentimes I wouldn't get very intuitive or philosophically satisfying answers. But, over time, it's been making a lot more sense, especially as I think about different issues more. The Ethics class I mentioned last semester was helpful in that regard, and often times, it would make me think... man, the Bible has some good ethics.

That was exactly what I thought when I read Thomas Nagel's essay on Moral Luck. It goes something like this. First of all, there's something called the "control principle": We believe that people shouldn't be held responsible for things outside of their control. For example, if I flick on a light switch to turn on the lamp, but someone has secretly wired that switch to an electric chair and it kills somebody, it was not my fault at all, I'm not a murderer. I shouldn't be held responsible for that.

On the other hand, sometimes it seems like we do hold people responsible for things outside of their control. For example, a truck driver is sleepy and nodding off at the wheel, but makes his route without incident, and we wouldn't charge him for a crime. An identical truck driver driving the same route is also sleepy and nodding off, but a little girl walks into the middle of the road at the wrong time and because the driver was nodding off he hits and kills her. The first and the second man were in the exact same state, except that the second one was unlucky and now a criminal.

That is tough, huh? Seems like we really don't want to hold people responsible for what's out of their control, but at the same time sometimes we have to. Nagel said that the control principle is true, but in the way we actually act there is a contradiction and we should just accept the contradiction. I think there's no real contradiction; an important distinction has to be made between what the government's role is in administering justice and actual guilt, which is why two people can have the same amount guilt but receive different punishments. Administered punishment should ultimately align with actual guilt, but the government is limited in knowledge and can only deal with what actually happened, and so it must be limited also in the breadth of administered punishment.

Here's a third case that I like which should be helpful. Let's say I point a gun at my roommate Tommy, and Mike points a gun at his roommate Sean. We both fire. Mike's gun goes off and actually kills Sean. My gun jams, and it doesn't fire, so Tommy's not dead. The government deals with these two cases differently, charging me with attempted murder and Mike with actual murder, because there's a restraint of practicality. Generally, people who are able to carry out an attempted murder successfully tried harder, had more malicious intent, deliberated it more, etc., and so the government has a different policy of amount of punishment to deal with attempted murders than actual murders. Still though, it seems right that they are both just as guilty of murder. And that's what Jesus thinks too.

"You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.' But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment" (Matthew 6:21-22). Again, "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 6:27-28). For a long time, I thought this was unfair of Jesus. But it actually makes a lot of sense.

There is a lot of sin in our hearts that we could carry out if we had the opportunity, but circumstances discourage it. I won't do this wrong thing because I might be caught, and people will think of me in such a way, and I might be punished. But, given the right opportunities, I would. And I am as guilty as the person who is given those opportunities and actually does. It is fair for God to hold us responsible for what is in our hearts.

Anyway, I thought that that was a pretty cool instance where something in the Bible at first seemed really counterintuitive, but actually ended up making a lot of sense.

Demandingness and Compassion Sunday

The Ethical Theories class I took last semester was one of the best I've taken at Cal. One reoccurring objection to various theories was the Demandingness Objection. It goes something like this.

Let's say you have a theory such as Utilitarianism, which says that the moral thing to do is to maximize utility (utility can be understood as something like units of goodness or happiness). That would seem to imply that I must try to do the most optimal action at all times, and anything short of that would be immoral. In short, the theory is too demanding, because can't I be moral without giving ALL my money to starving children in Africa?

That objection always brought to mind what I saw in Cambodia this past summer. Huge mansions, bigger than I've ever seen in person before, surrounded by lawns and gates. And littered around these mansions were dingy shacks, people living in absolute poverty. I imagine the demandingness objection in the mouths of the rich; surely, I'm not required to give up ALL my money to help these others? I earned my money, why should I give it up? Surely I can be moral without being supererogatory (going above and beyond my duties)?

Ridiculous, completely immoral, callous, wicked. There's a place for the demandingness objection when discussing ethics, but more often than not it's just an excuse to justify sins of ommission, avoiding what ought to be done. Those rich Cambodians are morally required to help their poor neighbors, and we're morally required to help the poor too. Forget whether or not we're required to MAXIMIZE utility and give ALL our money, how many of us give ANY money?

That's one reason I'm proud of what Gracepoint does on Compassion Sunday, which we had just a little while ago. It takes $32 a month to sponsor a compassion child, which provides food, clothing, vaccinations, education, community. Many people in our church are already sponsoring multiple compassion children, and somehow we manage to sponsor more every year. This time around, members of our church sponsored all 100 compassion children provided to us to sponsor within the five minutes of service ending.

Now that is a beautiful thing.