Rationally Irrational

I want things to make sense.  It is not that I have a need to understand everything.  Music, for example.  I know little about it, so it does not bother me when something does not make sense musically, because I know I lack the understanding to understand.  As I look out into the world, I have a perception of some kind of basic rationality, order, and logic.  Hit the ball off the table, it falls.  Be nice to someone, and they appreciate it.  Drink water when thirsty, and the thirst is satiated.

What happens when that regularity is broken?  If, say, the ball floated when it was knocked off the table? That could be magical.  But if you were walking and you fell upwards into the ceiling, inexplicably?

That has never happened to me, of course.  Things do happen, however, that violate the operating norms of the world as I understand them.  And that's often very frustrating.  I want the world to make sense, to not hit me with unpleasant surprises.  I want it to follow that kind of standard regularity which I wish it to.  The world often does not make sense when it should.

That is in part why I like doing things that are random.  Or, in other words, doing things without having sufficient reason to do them.  Like barking, or throwing pillows, or yelling combinations of words that are grammatically coherent but contain no meaning.  If the world is not going to operate rationally and consistently, then am I not acting in accordance with the standard practices of the world by acting irrationally?  Shall I be blamed for joining in the world's chaos through my part-time madness?  Double standard!  World, if you are not going to be reasonable, why must I always be logical and reasonable?

I believe that God is a rational being and the source of logic, and He made the universe and all of its laws with perfect order and sensibility.  I believe that the world has an ultimate, consistent order that it must follow because of the nature of the one who made it.  I am simply echoing the thoughts of G.K. Chesterton when he said "My problem with life is not that it is rational nor that it is irrational...  but that it is almost rational."

Well, until next time!  WOOF!

Why Law School?

Hello world, I haven't been able to update for a long time.  To give a brief recap of the last year or so...  I graduated from college May 2009, started working at a civil engineering company, and applied to law school.  I stopped working at that engineering company, decided not to go to law school, and am now working at a financial accounting firm.  Before I explain why not law school, I thought it would make sense to first explain why I was interested in the first place.  So, I present to you the personal statement I used on my applications  :)

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My grandparents always pushed their kids to be successful because achievement was one of the few ways that Chinese immigrants living in Saigon could make it out of Vietnam during the war.  Thus, I was surprised to see my grandfather shaking his head in disapproval when I told him I was applying to law school.  There are too many lawyers in America, he told me in Chinese.  Why don’t you do something respectable, like medicine, or engineering?  My grandmother explained that she and my grandfather see lawyers in this way because every lawyer they have met both in America and Vietnam has been greedy and tried to take advantage of them.  She then added reassuringly that there must be some lawyers out there who are good people; my grandfather agreed and instructed me to be a good lawyer, quoting a Chinese proverb meaning “it is what you make it.”

But why would I want to be a “good” lawyer?  Isn’t it quite possibly more rational to act purely out of self-interest rather than within the constraints of morality?  The ethics courses I took in college taught me about morality, but did not teach me to be moral.  We would casually discuss the merits of giving money to starving children in Africa while avoiding any personal moral condemnation by arguing that such actions are supererogatory – commendable, but not morally required.  In the next breath, we would debate whether or not it was permissible to kill babies for fun and whether morality really exists.

Before beginning my college career, I had not expected to engage such a wide range of ethical issues, as all I had really hoped for was to major in something that would make me money.  However, during my freshman year I signed up for a philosophy course that was conveniently located near my other classes, and soon found myself double majoring in economics and philosophy.  I remember humorously noticing the disdain expressed by philosophy majors towards those greedy, ill-principled business majors who care about nothing but money, and then calculating the price tag of a human life using a person’s willingness to pay for safety measures that decrease risk of death as part of my economics homework.  We handled questions concerning truth, justice, and human life in a manner so cold and sanitized that I often wondered whether any of it mattered.

In the summer of 2008, I went to Cambodia on a missions trip with my church to provide assistance for a university in Sihanoukville.  One fact that stood out to me during the pre-trip briefing was that the country of Cambodia is predominately young and uneducated because the Khmer Rouge killed anyone they suspected of being tainted by capitalism.  Our guide took us on a tour of the Tuol Sleng Genocide Museum and we received a first hand glimpse at the cells where thousands upon thousands of men, women, and children were tortured and executed.  In a country scarred by the horrors of genocide, I looked at the wall covered with photos of tortured, defenseless people who would soon be executed, and realized I was looking directly at a picture of injustice.

In the face of such injustice, my convictions are clear: saving the lives of innocent helpless children is good, and right, and killing babies for the sheer pleasure of it is bad, and wrong.  I know how hard it is to justify my position philosophically, and I would often hear in my classes that there is no such thing as good and evil, right and wrong, since these things are presumably just social and cultural constructs.  But I believe that morality is both real and worth fighting for.

Why am I interested in law?  Conscience.  In a Philosophy class, I may espouse the merits of helping the helpless; as a lawyer, I will help the helpless.  If I am accepted to the [insert name] School of Law, I intend to study criminal law, so that I can speak for those who are not able to speak for themselves.  I have no lofty dreams of saving the world, but I will do everything I can to protect the innocents within my reach.  I know that life often ends up being messier and more complicated than my black-and-white ideals, but unless acted upon, my conscience is worthless.

As my grandfather said, “it is what you make it.”  Law as a profession could be the defense of truth and justice, or the bending of rules to fit self-interest.  I will do everything I can to be what my grandfather commended me to be: a good lawyer.

Root Beer Float

There's a lot of things I have to write about, like the month long mission trip I went on.  But it will have to wait.  For now -- I'm on a leave of absence with my company, looking for a new job.

So here I am, sitting at home, eating a root beer float.  And I gotta say, unemployment is pretty nice.  I probably won't be saying that later haha, but, for now, yeah it's pretty nice.  Yum.

Preparing for the Trip

Hello misters and misses, today will be a kind of just an update post rather than a reflective post.  Been busy these days, even though I'm not working for now as of July 2nd.  Currently, I'm finishing packing up, and downloading sermons to load up on my iPod (thanks Jess!) to bring with me.

Things to do before I go:
- Finish packing
- Find a pump for balloons (we're making balloon animals...  George said he saw one at Borders)
- Write cards
- Write update email to all the peepo about the trip
- Take my first dose of Malarone...  tomorrow night at 7pm (malaria prevention)

If you want to know what kinda trip this and you don't know, email me!

Meowth!  That's right!

All things hold together in Him

Sometime this past year, I was trying to understand this idea of all things being made through Christ, and all things holding together in Christ.  Colossians 1:16-17 "For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together."

I was thinking, well, I know what it means for someone to make something.  I also know what it means for someone to use something to make something else (i.e. a carpenter using a tool to make a chair).  But, how is it that everything is made by Christ, and held together by him?

I remember that it was when I was driving down to LA and just reaching its outskirts that I listened to William Lane Craig's lecture about this.  My car doesn't have a CD player, nor an audio jack, nor an audio cassette player...  just a radio...  so I upload sermons onto my phone, and play them on speaker phone haha.  But anyway, listening to the talk, I realized two points.

First, it is true.  Dr. Craig presented many many verses that say that everything was made by Christ and are held together in Him.  I may not really understand it, but Scripture undeniably says that it is true, and Scripture is true.  Therefore, it's true.  As my friend Jim said, the biggest thing is THAT it is true, and then comes the why/how.

Second, I realized that the thing that comes closest to this is dreaming.  When I dream, I create and hold together a world simply by the power of my thoughts.  My imagination can create anything I want, and if I was to stop the dream, that world would disintegrate immediately.  I thought, maybe it's like this.  The universe is created and held together by Christ in the same way that our dreams are created and held together by us.

Almost like...  the universe is God's dream.  It came into being through His sheer will and authority and power.  And it remains because He wants it to.

(I vaguely remembering hearing things along this line of thought before, but I can't quite find the quotation.  It was an epiphany to me, but it's not original.  Also, note that I am not saying the universe is God's dream, just that it's LIKE it is, and that dreaming is the closest thing in our world that comes close to how God created/holds our world.)

To echo Jessica's prayer:  Praise God!  God, You are the Creator of everything.  Nothing exists outside of you.   There is no life outside of you.  Thank you for the Gospel.  Thank you for your Son Jesus that through Him we might have life and life eternal.

Allegory of the Kitty

A couple of weeks ago, I was preparing for youth group and this fun illustration came to me in the shower. When ideas come to me in the shower, I stay in the shower longer, which also turns me into a prune. Nice. Well, anyway, I've decided to call this illustration "Allegory of the Kitty," and here it is!

Imagine that in the city there is a clan of cats. Now, it is the dream of these cats to reach the skies, they want to reach the sky more than anything else in the world. Sure, there are other cats that want to reach the sky too, but this clan pursues their goal with rigor and zeal. Early every morning, just before sunrise, the cats of this clan wake and assemble at the Dunkin' Donuts parking lot. They form neat little rows, awaiting the arrival of their colonel.

Make no mistake - it's not easy being part of this cat clan. Training is constant. Claws are sharpened, hind legs are strengthened, poles are climbed. The exhilaration of reaching new heights, of being closer to the sky than ever before makes it all worth it. But with every new height reached comes the discouragement of the climb back down. Life in the cat clan is tough.

Then, Colonel Kitty Cat strides onto the scene. All of the cats stiffen at attention. The Colonel addresses his troops: "From the founding of our great clan, it has been our great goal, our great vision to reach the sky. Many may say they desire such a thing, but who is truly willing to pursue this noble aspiration? It has been said, 'Reach for the moon. Even if you miss, you will land among the stars.' That has been our motto since the beginning. We believed it then; do we believe it now???"

In a triumphant roar (as loud as one can reasonably expect cats to roar), the assembled cats give a hearty "meeeoooowww!" and put a paw to their foreheads in a smart salute. They are dismissed, but resume their training with renewed energy and determination. Claws sharper; legs stronger; higher heights reached, closer and closer to the sky!

One day, Colonel Kitty Cat hears of a traveler who has come to town, performing strange magics. Neglected litter boxes, all of a sudden, cleaned! Empty water bowls, filled to the brim! Fleas all over the fur, gone! This Traveler was the talk of the town.

During the night, the Colonel visits the Traveler. After all, the Traveler had been to many places, seen many things, and could do many things. Perhaps he had a piece of sage advice, or some new training strategy that would benefit his cat clan. So the Colonel asks, "Traveler, how can we reach the sky?" The Traveler responds: "you must be a bird."

Strange! A world turned upside down! Was all his work for nothing? All his training and labor? He pushed his cats hard, made them train with all of their might, but there was nothing he asked of his cats that he did not ask of himself. No, even more! He had become colonel only through the strictest of discipline. Besides... bird? He was a cat, and cats are not birds!

So the Colonel inquires of the Traveler, "and how exactly does a cat become a bird?" The Traveler replies, "no one can reach the sky unless he can fly. You're a cat, you can't fly. Birds can fly, you must be a bird."

The reasoning was undeniable. But still, the Colonel asks, how? If flying is the only way to reach the sky, and only birds can fly, what hope is there for a cat? The Traveler says to the Colonel, "I can turn you into a bird. Entrust yourself to me, and I will turn you into a bird."

Could it be? The Traveler was turning his world upside-down! All his labor and training, for naught? Could it be so... but what about... and who is this Traveler anyway, can he really do such a thing? But he himself had seen just yesterday the mice that were caught in a house which had no mice. He had seen himself the dogs that became still from the quiet meow of the Traveler. He believed that the Traveler could turn him into a bird. But could he believe in the Traveler? Could he entrust himself to the Traveler, to be transformed?

Well, reader, Colonel Kitty Cat's question is one you need to think about, and it's one I've been thinking about too. I try so hard to be moral, honest, ethical. Dutiful, law abiding. Hard working. But does all my climbing get me any closer to heaven? Intellect sharpened, determination strengthened, higher heights reached, closer to God, closer to heaven? But never enough.

Cats can't fly. Flesh can't see the kingdom of God. How does a cat fly? Transformation. By being born again as a bird. How does flesh see the kingdom of heaven? Transformation. By being born again, of the Spirit. And how does this rebirth happen? The Colonel needs to believe in the Traveler, and we need to believe in Jesus.

And it is not enough to just believe that Jesus can save me. I need to believe in Jesus. This is so hard for me because I want to do it on my own, to just climb. I have a lot of trouble giving up my ways, trusting Jesus, even though I know that this is the best way, the only way. But. It's the only way.

Anyway! There it is for you :). Allegory of the Kitty, and, John Chapter Three!

Descending to Grey

As far as I know, I'm fairly orthodox in my Christian beliefs. I believe that Christian theology is coherent, intellectually defensible, and is validated by the evidence of what is actually in the world. Thorough, rigorous examination usually strengthens my faith, and reassures me that I have good reasons for believing what I believe.

There are clear realities which are meaningful, and are meaningfully described by words we use: goodness, righteousness, courage, envy, hatred, wickedness. There's black and white. There's also green, red, blue, yellow, teal. (Teal was my favorite color to use when I was Protoss... just saying.)

When I don't really think through these things though and I just go through life unthinkingly, there's a sort of decay that occurs. I find myself thinking, "well, really? Is this or that really so wrong? What makes that action 'better' than this other action? Why must I live this way and not that way? Is God really real?"

The problem is that these questions are not really driven by any good intellectual reason. It's important to reexamine beliefs, sure. But these questions at those times are simply a result of belief decay, in the same way that I sometimes think "what if I am the only real person and everyone else is a robot and this is a giant test or lab experiment? Did we really go to the moon? If I lost control of the wheel, my car would hit that lampost, crumple around it, and my life would really change, but I wonder what it would be like."

I think it's like eyeball atrophy, as if you didn't exercise your eyeballs and then your whole vision gets more and more blurry. There's a mug in front of you with a clear border between it and the table, the mug is white and the table is brown -- but everything blurs and it becomes a blob. I think the belief decay I've been trying to describe is kind of like this, because substantiated firm belief (not just in God, but in anything) requires substantiation. And good thinking, like exercise, reaffirms (or, destroys) the substantiation necessary for firm belief.

Ah, well, sorry if that wasn't very clear, just something I've been thinking about, since I've been descending to grey recently. Eyeball atrophy, haha. I guess the moral of the story, though, is that you should exercise your eyeballs in the metaphorical sense.

Reason is not King

Ah, I have been not blogging for very long time! I blog later. For now, short post. I'm reading Anna Karenin right now by Leo Tolstoy. Really good! One thing that comes clear is that our own powers of reasoning are not king. We have a strong propensity to use reason to justify our own ways, and what seems to as plain reason is often just emotion or desire defended by intellect.

"Passion and prejudice govern the world, only under the name of reason." - John Wesley

Ah, also, one really cool thing that comes through clear in the book is that the protagonists are often the antagonists in other situations. This isn't the postmodern view that there are no good guys and bad guys, but only better and worse people, no black and white only shades of gray. There is good, and there is bad. However, what it illustrates is...

"If only it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. " - Alexander Solzhenitsyn

OK, that's all. Is tells yous peoples whats is thes happenings ins mys lifes laters.

Today Begins with a Small but Tasty Defeat

Started to feel a little hungry, but I remembered that I have a paperbag underneath my desk with some fruit inside. I thought, oh good, maybe I can finally eat that fruit, that would be quite healthy.

I pulled out the bag, looked inside, and saw a donut in the midst of the fruit. I am now eating a donut.

Cyrus the Great

I read this quote by Cyrus the Great the other day and it really stuck with me: "Diversity in counsel, unity in command." It's one of those quotes that just floats around in my head to the extent that it comes up often when I think about how to handle leadership.

Life and Doctrine

Sometimes I read people saying they are tired of all this emphasis on doctrine. Too much useless head knowledge, they say. Their point is well taken though, because sometimes Christians really don't live out their faith.

I read this verse this morning, which I liked a lot: "Watch your life and doctrine closely" (1 Timothy 4:16). We need to be very diligent in watching the way we live our lives. And, we also need to watch our doctrine very closely. It's both, not either/or.

Also, I have been very lazy about posting recently. I will make efforts to post more :)

Instant Coffee

Nescafe instant coffee, I would like to have a word with you. I would like you to know that you taste terrible and I would punch you except that you would scald my fist. Out of rational self-interest I have decided not to punch you, but be forewarned: the Word of the Lord says "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows" (Galatians 6:7). Instant coffee, you have reaped bitterness, and you will sow bitterness - thus sayeth the Lord.

Telescope and Stethescope

Here's something I read last week and captures well what I've been struggling to learn. It's from the essay called "The Analyst" by F.W. Boreham.

Chesterton says that the battle of the future is the battle between the telescope and the microscope. He is mistaken. The battle of the future is between the telescope and the stethoscope. And in that fight the telescope must win. It was fashionable, once upon a time, for most excellent and devout people to spend half their time with the stethoscope in awful introspection and analysis. Such self-examination has its place; but it has been sadly overdone. I prefer to lay down the stethoscope and take up the telescope. "Looking off unto Jesus," says a wonderful writer who points out this more excellent way. It is so very difficult to analyse the soul and to dissect the good from the bad. I like to think of that great and gracious Covenantor, David Dickson, Professor of Theology in Glasgow University. When he lay dying, he attempted to analyse his inmost self; but he soon abandoned the attempt. Then, turning to his bosom friend, John Livingstone, who sat beside his death-bed, he said: "I have taken them all - all my good deeds and all my bad deeds - and have cast them all together in a heap before the Lord! I have fled from both of them to Jesus; and in Him I have sweet peace!" It was beautifully and bravely spoken.

Dream Talking

Early in the morning while I was getting ready for work, Mike started sleep talking and we had this conversation:

Mike: "what are you looking for"
Me: "i'm not looking for anything"
Mike: "why are you looking for something"
Me: "i'm not looking for anything"
Mike: "... then why are you taking everything apart?"
Me: "i'm not taking anything apart you're sleep talking"
Mike: "oh. right. ... i need to reformat my dream. dreams come in all different kinds of formats."

Childish

"When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fify I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
Letters to Children, C.S. Lewis

I like that! =)

Comfort, Comfort for My People!

I want to assure all my readers out there that it is OK to not be a man. After all, there's so much more to life than muscles and intelligence! And, heck, even if non-men are, you know, not as good in things like qualities, that's okay, because at least they're still hu-man! Plus, I'm pretty sure being made from a man's rib is better than being made out of dirt!

The views of this blog post do not necessarily reflect the views of the author or of this blog.

Love Abounding

9And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, 10so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, 11filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.
Philippians 1:9-11

Paul says that he prays for the Philippians' love to abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight. In this case, he's not praying that their love will abound more and more in affection, though his love definitely is filled with affection since in the verse immediately preceding these ones he says that "God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus." Though we'd naturally think of increasing of love in terms of increasing in affection, his primary concern expressed here is that their love grows in knowledge and depth of insight. Why?

He prays that their love will grow in knowledge and depth of insight "so that they may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ." That means love without knowledge or insight may cause someone to be blameworthy. How so? I think one thing that's assumed here is that the Philippians do love, they do have concern for others and good intent. But I think it is possible to care about someone, have good intention, but act in a blameworthy way.

To start with an easy illustration, let's say there's a baby who is sick. The mother says, "I dun wanna mah baby b sick." She cares about her baby, and out of a desire to help her baby she acts by giving the baby medicine. However, it is the wrong medicine. The baby gets more sick but thankfully in our imaginary scenario it's not too bad, so the baby gets to hospital (on its own!) and the doctors save baby using a hypospray filled with magic cure.

Is the mother to blame? Yes. She cared, acted with good intention, but she should have known better. She is guilty of her ignorance. She loved, but her love did not abound in knowledge and depth of insight.

In the same way, we can love others, and have genuine care and concern for them, but lack in knowledge and depth of insight. We don't really understand the problems of others, and when we realize that some sort problem exists, we don't really know how to deal with it. Sometimes, even, when trying to help with some kind of issue, we actually make it worse because our actions and words are done incorrectly in some kind of tactless manner. Well-meaning, but foolish and naive.

That's why it's important that our love abounds more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that in loving others and living life we may be blameless and pure. However, loving people is quite unnatural, and it's also unnatural for love to grow in this kind of way. Why? At least for me, because of selfishness and pride. I like the way I see things, I like the way I understand things. Others see and react differently some times, and on the face of it, that difference may seem to be irrational or foolish rather than just different. My natural inclination, then, is to just view those kind of differences as irrational, rather than trying to understand those differences.

Also, it's just hard to love and understand others, and sometimes I just don't want to. I might not want to love people less, but that also doesn't really mean that I want to love people more. So if my love abounds more and more, in knowledge and depth of insight, what's going on? I'm being "filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus - to the glory of God." Love abounding in me is not to my credit, but is the result of Christ working in me, which is why all the glory goes to God.

Sometimes we ask, glorify God, what does that even mean? Well, for sure, one way that God is glorified is when our love abounds more and more in knowledge and depth in insight, because that bears testament to the work of God in our lives. What do we say, when we see the work that God has done in our lives, and what he has done in the lives of those around us? Glory be to God!

New Years Resolution

Hi everybody! Well, here's my first ever proclaimed new years resolution. I don't ever remember making new years resolutions ever! Maybe I have, but I don't remember ever doing so! Which leads me to my next point.

Dinos are awesome! Actually, that fact, though true, is not my next point. My next point is that I read and consume a lot of good stuff and am often struck by the profundity of what I am hearing. Occasionally it is so profound that I then and there resolve to live out what I've just heard. Most of the time, though, the powerful truth I have just heard remains unapplied even when I've genuinely resolved to apply it.

So! I resolve that every Sunday morning will be a quiet time. Recently I've been cramming in last-minute Sunday School preparation because I've been unprepared. But no more of that. And! Quiet time will involve reading (at least) what I've written in my journal during the past week. Now my resolutions during the week will be remembered a little longer before being forgotten! YES!!!

I foresee great things for this new year including health, wealth, and prosperity, as God has promised somewhere in the good book though I can't quite remember where.