Pastor Ed mentioned in a message recently that we should not be like "that weird character in Albert Camus' 'The Stranger,' disconnected from everything around him." Interesting because I really liked the book because I could identify a lot with that guy.
In the story the main character Meursault goes about life as if he's not really a part of the things that are going on around him; he recognizes what's happening, but his emotional responses are not engaging properly. He's at a funeral, and he knows he's supposed to feel sad, but he doesn't. Aware of some of the social norms and what people expect of him, he sort of goes through some of the motions, but mostly because that's just what he's supposed to do. There's a point where he and his friend spontaneously decide to chase after a truck; in that chase, Meursault feels really alive, he's in the moment, he's fully connected to what's happening. But it's a rare occasion, and most of the time he doesn't know why he's doing what he's doing, he just does them.
I used to feel like that a lot more. Like when that thank you card gets passed around, and I think yeah hmmm this person has done things for me, and I know I'm supposed to feel grateful but I don't, and now I'm supposed to write words about how I feel so grateful. But it's what's expected, so I will. This would happen for other kind of events too. That feeling of, I should be feeling a certain way right now, but I don't. I should be connected to what's happening right now, but I'm not. But because I know that this reaction is what's expected, I'll do it. And in that way I was like Meursault, a stranger in the world, out of place.
I've come to realize that being like that is to be less human, or, more inhuman. Sometimes when I'm back home in Davis for a longer period of time with not much to do, I find myself become more like that, more apathetic, more callous, more disconnected from the concerns of the people around me, more self-focused. But at Gracepoint the opposite happens, and I realized that Gracepoint makes me more human.
It's not that Davis is bad, but in Berkeley we have a community of people and a culture that fosters proper relationships, and by engaging in these relationships I've developed proper emotional responses such as gratitude and compassion. Davis isn't bad, but there it's easier for me to sin because there's less accountability, and it's sin that makes me less human.
What brought all this to mind was Gracepoint Live. I can personally connect with the themes that are being portrayed and have proper emotional reactions. Some of those scenes are really touching, and being able to feel joy and sadness, sometimes even crying, I realize that I am more human than I used to be. And I'm really grateful for that.
4 comments:
Wow, Joe. I have to say I've experienced the same things. There's been a gradual progression to becoming more connected to life. Before, I'd hear about killings and rapes and not flinch. Now, it's much more likely that it breaks my heart.
I realize that connecting is often really intentional and best done with other people. For example, this past GLive, I watched it through many times, practices and showings, being in the back with lighting. However, it wasn't until the second or third show that I was able to finally see myself as Michael, or finally connecting with the Time scene at the end of the sophomore skit, or being moved by God taking my place during the Depression scene. I finally connected because I finally tried to see how they relate to me personally. And it definitely helped to see other people telling me how powerful it was, and me reflecting on what I must be missing to not have those same experiences.
I think this is especially important during this Good Friday and Easter. I'm on a quest to connect to Christ's death once more. From our Passion Reader, Calvary Road, "God is wanting to humble us at the Cross of Jesus, and show us the sins in our hearts that are hindering personal revival." It's really sin that prevents us from seeing the beauty of the cross and being struck by it for the 100th time.
Very good, Spock. We'll make a human out of you yet.
Going to a church and feel more human itself is a deception. You are connecting to this church, not Jesus. If you only feel human at Gracepoint, it sounds very much like this: Gracepoint becomes your idol. If you can only worship at Gracepoint, all the other churches will make you feel less human, because only Gracepoint fits the category of being or feeling human, worthy of Jesus’ salvation work, then all other “inhuman” churches or groups are inhuman hence do not fit into His network plan of salvation?
It sounds like you are pledging allegiance to this church, but not God. By the way you need to be a human in order to be saved, for Jesus came to save human, not “inhuman” human, nor angels. So, if you feel human in Berkeley (thus are saved), you need to make sure that you are truly saved wherever you go, because if you don't feel human in Davis, then when you are in Davis since you are more “inhuman”, then you are not saved!
Haha, I find it odd writing lenthy comments on my own blog posts, but I also don't want to write new posts. Oh well.
Sorry anonymous, I think perhaps I didn't make my point clear. Gracepoint is not the only place I feel human. I'm in Arizona right now, apart from Gracepoint people, and yeah I feel plenty human. Gracepoint isn't the only place I can worship, I never made that claim.
There are three premises that I'm working on. Each of these premises can be contested, but at least this way at least you'll see where I'm coming from and the logic of my argument, even if you disagree with it.
1. Man was made in the image of God. So, when I say "more human," I mean more like how God intended us to be, which is to be in relationship with Him.
2. A working definition of sin given by Susanna Wesley, John Wesley's mother:
"Take this rule: whatever weakens your reason, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, or takes off your relish of spiritual things; in short, whatever increases the strength and authority of your body over your mind, that thing is sin to you, however innocent it may be in itself."
-- Susanna Wesley (Letter, June 8, 1725)
3. More accountability in general leads to less sin. Of course I can always choose to sin however much I want no matter how much accountability there is, and I'm always responsible for that sin. But I think it is generally agreed upon that there are some accountability practices that for the most part decrease propensity to sin.
Recap: being in an environment with less accountability leads to more sin (premise 3), more sin leads to being more separated from God (premise 2), being more separated from God means being less human (premise 1).
Based on these premises, my argument goes like this: if I am in an environment with less accountability, I will sin more, which will lead to me being less human.
In my specific context, I mention Davis, Berkeley, Gracepoint. But the general argument holds true and you could substitute other church names or locations into the spots of "environment with less accountability" and "environment with more accountability."
I hope that clears things up. Anonymous, if in the future I post something that is not clear, I would appreciate it if you would address your concerns to me in a more respectful way. Thank you for voicing your concerns, but I would appreciate a more gracious reading of my writing instead of assuming the worst.
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