For what dreams do men live for? Dreams of glory, victory, success, comfort, pleasure. Grand, noble dreams. Dark, wicked dreams. Would living the dream satiate as drinking quenches thirst? Or, maybe, as salt water parches and pure water revives, so one dream destroys and another brings life.
As for I, I have had few dreams. Mostly I have just wanted to be happy. For my days to be filled with endless mirth. My senses have always been dull, oblivious to the finer details of life, preferring strong flavors and tastes. My vision grows worse and more shortsighted every year. What difference is there between I and any other animal? Seeing only what is before me, striving only for what I can see.
I wonder if animals will be judged on that wonderful and terrible day of judgment. Shall a dog who saved his master's life be given a hero's reward? Shall a serpent be damned for murdering a child? A judge of the living and the dead, worthy of his position, would know the nature of a dog and a snake, and give his verdict accordingly.
If I was judged according to the standards one would judge a dog, I would deserve praise. I would earn praise from my master and, if I was lucky, a biscuit. Oh, joy, biscuit! But what am I thinking? I am no dog. I am a man. And I will not be judged as a dog, as a ferret, or any other creature. I will be judged as a man.
Could it be that the aspirations and hopes of a dog are not worthy of a man? That much seems obvious. But for what dreams should men live for? Fame fades, pleasure becomes hollow, and fortune provides no utility once the mortal coil expires.
I dreamed a dream...
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Goodbye, Domestic Equity
For the past 8 months, I've been working in the Domestic Equity group at State Street. On Wednesday they announced that I'll be transferring to a new group this coming Monday, and getting [upgraded?] from a temporary status to full-time.
It's been a good 8 months. I've learned a lot, made friends, had a lot of boring days, busy days, and fun days. Yesterday felt much like the last day of a semester; I'll still be at the same school, but all the material and classmates will change.
I gave my farewell speech yesterday to the group. I was very nervous and fumbled a lot, but overall it was well-received. Earlier this week, these words from God to Moses in Exodus 4 were encouraging to me: "The Lord said to him, "Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say."
Well, without further adieu, here's the text of the speech I gave. Enjoy!
________________________________________________________
When I was a kid, there was a time when I wanted to be a police officer. My other friends wanted to be firefighters, astronauts, doctors. I don’t think any of us grew up saying “Daddy, I want to be a fund accountant when I grow up!”… except, maybe, Dan's [Dan is my boss] kid. We wanted to do something good, something noble, make a difference in the world.
But while few go into the financial world hoping to make a positive difference, it’s our world that has, arguably, done the most harm in recent years. Our field can make a difference, for better or for worse.
There are good cops, and there are bad cops; there are good accountants and there are bad accountants. How can we regain that childhood dream of making the world a better place, regardless of the job we’re doing?
The Bible describes life as a stream of water, and the heart as the spring from which those waters flow. So whether we’re in Dom Eq or Intel, CalPERS or CalSTRS, if our hearts are good, our lives will be good too. Maybe not PPR good [yearly performance review], but the kind of good you’d be proud to tell your kid about.
Thank you all for your kindnesss during my time here, you’ve all been very good to me. Thank you.
It's been a good 8 months. I've learned a lot, made friends, had a lot of boring days, busy days, and fun days. Yesterday felt much like the last day of a semester; I'll still be at the same school, but all the material and classmates will change.
I gave my farewell speech yesterday to the group. I was very nervous and fumbled a lot, but overall it was well-received. Earlier this week, these words from God to Moses in Exodus 4 were encouraging to me: "The Lord said to him, "Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say."
Well, without further adieu, here's the text of the speech I gave. Enjoy!
________________________________________________________
When I was a kid, there was a time when I wanted to be a police officer. My other friends wanted to be firefighters, astronauts, doctors. I don’t think any of us grew up saying “Daddy, I want to be a fund accountant when I grow up!”… except, maybe, Dan's [Dan is my boss] kid. We wanted to do something good, something noble, make a difference in the world.
But while few go into the financial world hoping to make a positive difference, it’s our world that has, arguably, done the most harm in recent years. Our field can make a difference, for better or for worse.
There are good cops, and there are bad cops; there are good accountants and there are bad accountants. How can we regain that childhood dream of making the world a better place, regardless of the job we’re doing?
The Bible describes life as a stream of water, and the heart as the spring from which those waters flow. So whether we’re in Dom Eq or Intel, CalPERS or CalSTRS, if our hearts are good, our lives will be good too. Maybe not PPR good [yearly performance review], but the kind of good you’d be proud to tell your kid about.
Thank you all for your kindnesss during my time here, you’ve all been very good to me. Thank you.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Psalm 78
Haven't blogged in a long time! Here's my reflection on what I read this morning.
"God's anger rose against them; he put to death the sturdiest among them, cutting down the young men of Israel. In spite of all this, they kept on sinning; in spite of his wonders, they did not believe. So he ended their days in futility and their years in terror. Whenever God slew them, they would seek him; they eagerly turned to him again. They remembered that God was their Rock, that God Most High was their Redeemer. But then they would flatter him with their mouths, lying to him with their tongues; their hearts were not loyal to him, they were not faithful to his covenant. Yet he was merciful; he forgave their iniquities and did not destroy them. Time after time he restrained his anger and did not stir up his full wrath. He remembered that they were but flesh, a passing breeze that does not return." (Psalm 78:31-39).
The idea of God killing people so that they would turn to him is not very palatable. On the face of it, seems more tyrannical than loving. However, I think it's a bit like how they make natural gas smell like rotten eggs. It smells terrible and is really unpleasant. But given that the stuff will kill you, it would actually be more cruel to allow the gas to remain odorless. The bad smell is a life-giving warning sign.
From an eternal perspective, I believe this holds true too. If it really is true that when people die, they go to heaven or hell, then we would expect a loving God to use whatever means necessary, pleasant or unpleasant, to lead people to heaven.
On the other hand, more straightforwardly, sin deserves punishment. I gotta go right now so I can't elaborate about this too much right now. But while some may disagree with this in principle, in practice we would all agree. Aiy, gotta go.
"God's anger rose against them; he put to death the sturdiest among them, cutting down the young men of Israel. In spite of all this, they kept on sinning; in spite of his wonders, they did not believe. So he ended their days in futility and their years in terror. Whenever God slew them, they would seek him; they eagerly turned to him again. They remembered that God was their Rock, that God Most High was their Redeemer. But then they would flatter him with their mouths, lying to him with their tongues; their hearts were not loyal to him, they were not faithful to his covenant. Yet he was merciful; he forgave their iniquities and did not destroy them. Time after time he restrained his anger and did not stir up his full wrath. He remembered that they were but flesh, a passing breeze that does not return." (Psalm 78:31-39).
The idea of God killing people so that they would turn to him is not very palatable. On the face of it, seems more tyrannical than loving. However, I think it's a bit like how they make natural gas smell like rotten eggs. It smells terrible and is really unpleasant. But given that the stuff will kill you, it would actually be more cruel to allow the gas to remain odorless. The bad smell is a life-giving warning sign.
From an eternal perspective, I believe this holds true too. If it really is true that when people die, they go to heaven or hell, then we would expect a loving God to use whatever means necessary, pleasant or unpleasant, to lead people to heaven.
On the other hand, more straightforwardly, sin deserves punishment. I gotta go right now so I can't elaborate about this too much right now. But while some may disagree with this in principle, in practice we would all agree. Aiy, gotta go.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Rationally Irrational
I want things to make sense. It is not that I have a need to understand everything. Music, for example. I know little about it, so it does not bother me when something does not make sense musically, because I know I lack the understanding to understand. As I look out into the world, I have a perception of some kind of basic rationality, order, and logic. Hit the ball off the table, it falls. Be nice to someone, and they appreciate it. Drink water when thirsty, and the thirst is satiated.
What happens when that regularity is broken? If, say, the ball floated when it was knocked off the table? That could be magical. But if you were walking and you fell upwards into the ceiling, inexplicably?
That has never happened to me, of course. Things do happen, however, that violate the operating norms of the world as I understand them. And that's often very frustrating. I want the world to make sense, to not hit me with unpleasant surprises. I want it to follow that kind of standard regularity which I wish it to. The world often does not make sense when it should.
That is in part why I like doing things that are random. Or, in other words, doing things without having sufficient reason to do them. Like barking, or throwing pillows, or yelling combinations of words that are grammatically coherent but contain no meaning. If the world is not going to operate rationally and consistently, then am I not acting in accordance with the standard practices of the world by acting irrationally? Shall I be blamed for joining in the world's chaos through my part-time madness? Double standard! World, if you are not going to be reasonable, why must I always be logical and reasonable?
I believe that God is a rational being and the source of logic, and He made the universe and all of its laws with perfect order and sensibility. I believe that the world has an ultimate, consistent order that it must follow because of the nature of the one who made it. I am simply echoing the thoughts of G.K. Chesterton when he said "My problem with life is not that it is rational nor that it is irrational... but that it is almost rational."
Well, until next time! WOOF!
What happens when that regularity is broken? If, say, the ball floated when it was knocked off the table? That could be magical. But if you were walking and you fell upwards into the ceiling, inexplicably?
That has never happened to me, of course. Things do happen, however, that violate the operating norms of the world as I understand them. And that's often very frustrating. I want the world to make sense, to not hit me with unpleasant surprises. I want it to follow that kind of standard regularity which I wish it to. The world often does not make sense when it should.
That is in part why I like doing things that are random. Or, in other words, doing things without having sufficient reason to do them. Like barking, or throwing pillows, or yelling combinations of words that are grammatically coherent but contain no meaning. If the world is not going to operate rationally and consistently, then am I not acting in accordance with the standard practices of the world by acting irrationally? Shall I be blamed for joining in the world's chaos through my part-time madness? Double standard! World, if you are not going to be reasonable, why must I always be logical and reasonable?
I believe that God is a rational being and the source of logic, and He made the universe and all of its laws with perfect order and sensibility. I believe that the world has an ultimate, consistent order that it must follow because of the nature of the one who made it. I am simply echoing the thoughts of G.K. Chesterton when he said "My problem with life is not that it is rational nor that it is irrational... but that it is almost rational."
Well, until next time! WOOF!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Why Law School?
Hello world, I haven't been able to update for a long time. To give a brief recap of the last year or so... I graduated from college May 2009, started working at a civil engineering company, and applied to law school. I stopped working at that engineering company, decided not to go to law school, and am now working at a financial accounting firm. Before I explain why not law school, I thought it would make sense to first explain why I was interested in the first place. So, I present to you the personal statement I used on my applications :)
__________________________________________________________
My grandparents always pushed their kids to be successful because achievement was one of the few ways that Chinese immigrants living in Saigon could make it out of Vietnam during the war. Thus, I was surprised to see my grandfather shaking his head in disapproval when I told him I was applying to law school. There are too many lawyers in America, he told me in Chinese. Why don’t you do something respectable, like medicine, or engineering? My grandmother explained that she and my grandfather see lawyers in this way because every lawyer they have met both in America and Vietnam has been greedy and tried to take advantage of them. She then added reassuringly that there must be some lawyers out there who are good people; my grandfather agreed and instructed me to be a good lawyer, quoting a Chinese proverb meaning “it is what you make it.”
But why would I want to be a “good” lawyer? Isn’t it quite possibly more rational to act purely out of self-interest rather than within the constraints of morality? The ethics courses I took in college taught me about morality, but did not teach me to be moral. We would casually discuss the merits of giving money to starving children in Africa while avoiding any personal moral condemnation by arguing that such actions are supererogatory – commendable, but not morally required. In the next breath, we would debate whether or not it was permissible to kill babies for fun and whether morality really exists.
Before beginning my college career, I had not expected to engage such a wide range of ethical issues, as all I had really hoped for was to major in something that would make me money. However, during my freshman year I signed up for a philosophy course that was conveniently located near my other classes, and soon found myself double majoring in economics and philosophy. I remember humorously noticing the disdain expressed by philosophy majors towards those greedy, ill-principled business majors who care about nothing but money, and then calculating the price tag of a human life using a person’s willingness to pay for safety measures that decrease risk of death as part of my economics homework. We handled questions concerning truth, justice, and human life in a manner so cold and sanitized that I often wondered whether any of it mattered.
In the summer of 2008, I went to Cambodia on a missions trip with my church to provide assistance for a university in Sihanoukville. One fact that stood out to me during the pre-trip briefing was that the country of Cambodia is predominately young and uneducated because the Khmer Rouge killed anyone they suspected of being tainted by capitalism. Our guide took us on a tour of the Tuol Sleng Genocide Museum and we received a first hand glimpse at the cells where thousands upon thousands of men, women, and children were tortured and executed. In a country scarred by the horrors of genocide, I looked at the wall covered with photos of tortured, defenseless people who would soon be executed, and realized I was looking directly at a picture of injustice.
In the face of such injustice, my convictions are clear: saving the lives of innocent helpless children is good, and right, and killing babies for the sheer pleasure of it is bad, and wrong. I know how hard it is to justify my position philosophically, and I would often hear in my classes that there is no such thing as good and evil, right and wrong, since these things are presumably just social and cultural constructs. But I believe that morality is both real and worth fighting for.
Why am I interested in law? Conscience. In a Philosophy class, I may espouse the merits of helping the helpless; as a lawyer, I will help the helpless. If I am accepted to the [insert name] School of Law, I intend to study criminal law, so that I can speak for those who are not able to speak for themselves. I have no lofty dreams of saving the world, but I will do everything I can to protect the innocents within my reach. I know that life often ends up being messier and more complicated than my black-and-white ideals, but unless acted upon, my conscience is worthless.
As my grandfather said, “it is what you make it.” Law as a profession could be the defense of truth and justice, or the bending of rules to fit self-interest. I will do everything I can to be what my grandfather commended me to be: a good lawyer.
__________________________________________________________
My grandparents always pushed their kids to be successful because achievement was one of the few ways that Chinese immigrants living in Saigon could make it out of Vietnam during the war. Thus, I was surprised to see my grandfather shaking his head in disapproval when I told him I was applying to law school. There are too many lawyers in America, he told me in Chinese. Why don’t you do something respectable, like medicine, or engineering? My grandmother explained that she and my grandfather see lawyers in this way because every lawyer they have met both in America and Vietnam has been greedy and tried to take advantage of them. She then added reassuringly that there must be some lawyers out there who are good people; my grandfather agreed and instructed me to be a good lawyer, quoting a Chinese proverb meaning “it is what you make it.”
But why would I want to be a “good” lawyer? Isn’t it quite possibly more rational to act purely out of self-interest rather than within the constraints of morality? The ethics courses I took in college taught me about morality, but did not teach me to be moral. We would casually discuss the merits of giving money to starving children in Africa while avoiding any personal moral condemnation by arguing that such actions are supererogatory – commendable, but not morally required. In the next breath, we would debate whether or not it was permissible to kill babies for fun and whether morality really exists.
Before beginning my college career, I had not expected to engage such a wide range of ethical issues, as all I had really hoped for was to major in something that would make me money. However, during my freshman year I signed up for a philosophy course that was conveniently located near my other classes, and soon found myself double majoring in economics and philosophy. I remember humorously noticing the disdain expressed by philosophy majors towards those greedy, ill-principled business majors who care about nothing but money, and then calculating the price tag of a human life using a person’s willingness to pay for safety measures that decrease risk of death as part of my economics homework. We handled questions concerning truth, justice, and human life in a manner so cold and sanitized that I often wondered whether any of it mattered.
In the summer of 2008, I went to Cambodia on a missions trip with my church to provide assistance for a university in Sihanoukville. One fact that stood out to me during the pre-trip briefing was that the country of Cambodia is predominately young and uneducated because the Khmer Rouge killed anyone they suspected of being tainted by capitalism. Our guide took us on a tour of the Tuol Sleng Genocide Museum and we received a first hand glimpse at the cells where thousands upon thousands of men, women, and children were tortured and executed. In a country scarred by the horrors of genocide, I looked at the wall covered with photos of tortured, defenseless people who would soon be executed, and realized I was looking directly at a picture of injustice.
In the face of such injustice, my convictions are clear: saving the lives of innocent helpless children is good, and right, and killing babies for the sheer pleasure of it is bad, and wrong. I know how hard it is to justify my position philosophically, and I would often hear in my classes that there is no such thing as good and evil, right and wrong, since these things are presumably just social and cultural constructs. But I believe that morality is both real and worth fighting for.
Why am I interested in law? Conscience. In a Philosophy class, I may espouse the merits of helping the helpless; as a lawyer, I will help the helpless. If I am accepted to the [insert name] School of Law, I intend to study criminal law, so that I can speak for those who are not able to speak for themselves. I have no lofty dreams of saving the world, but I will do everything I can to protect the innocents within my reach. I know that life often ends up being messier and more complicated than my black-and-white ideals, but unless acted upon, my conscience is worthless.
As my grandfather said, “it is what you make it.” Law as a profession could be the defense of truth and justice, or the bending of rules to fit self-interest. I will do everything I can to be what my grandfather commended me to be: a good lawyer.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Root Beer Float
There's a lot of things I have to write about, like the month long mission trip I went on. But it will have to wait. For now -- I'm on a leave of absence with my company, looking for a new job.
So here I am, sitting at home, eating a root beer float. And I gotta say, unemployment is pretty nice. I probably won't be saying that later haha, but, for now, yeah it's pretty nice. Yum.
So here I am, sitting at home, eating a root beer float. And I gotta say, unemployment is pretty nice. I probably won't be saying that later haha, but, for now, yeah it's pretty nice. Yum.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Preparing for the Trip
Hello misters and misses, today will be a kind of just an update post rather than a reflective post. Been busy these days, even though I'm not working for now as of July 2nd. Currently, I'm finishing packing up, and downloading sermons to load up on my iPod (thanks Jess!) to bring with me.
Things to do before I go:
- Finish packing
- Find a pump for balloons (we're making balloon animals... George said he saw one at Borders)
- Write cards
- Write update email to all the peepo about the trip
- Take my first dose of Malarone... tomorrow night at 7pm (malaria prevention)
If you want to know what kinda trip this and you don't know, email me!
Meowth! That's right!
Things to do before I go:
- Finish packing
- Find a pump for balloons (we're making balloon animals... George said he saw one at Borders)
- Write cards
- Write update email to all the peepo about the trip
- Take my first dose of Malarone... tomorrow night at 7pm (malaria prevention)
If you want to know what kinda trip this and you don't know, email me!
Meowth! That's right!
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